Annoying......

Did you ever know someone who just drove you right up the wall? They only talk about them or they just go on and on. I guess some elementary school kids are good examples of this. That's exactly how I feel. I feel like I'm so annoying. I've been feeling tension between people and I couldn't figure out why. Could it be because I'm annoying? Yes, it very well could be. It's been a week of self-realization. Weeks like this I need someone to talk at, instead of to. I find myself talking a lot to myself. Not because people don't want to talk or listen, and if they don't they haven't said anything to me, but because I feel like I'm bothering everyone. I wish I could just throw back a couple of 6-packs and call it a day, but I can't. I was sitting in Dective Fiction today and we finished talking about an author, who's mother, died a slow agonizing death because of cancer. And I instantly flashed back to the summer before my junior year. And it reminded me that my dad wasn't here to see me graduate, or to start college, buy my first car or to as much as it would annoy me, hassle boys. Usually it doesn't get to me. I can smile and walk away from it, but not today. Why does this happen to me? I tried so hard, he was getting better, it was starting to look good. And then the rug got pulled out from under my feet.

I tried so hard

And got so far

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I had to fall

To lose it all

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I just want to be held. I don't want to talk, I don't want to eat, I don't want anything but to have someone just hold me while I cry. I feel so alone.

~Silently sobbing~