Fuck it

I HATE STUPID PEOPLE I HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE RUDE! I HATE PEOPLE WHO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE LOOK STUPID! I HATE PEOPLE WHO STICK THEIR NOSE WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG!

LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! (IS THAT BIG ENOUGH FOR YOU?)

~PISSED~

Roll Over's and Semi-Formal

The title is just what it sounds like, I rolled my car 4 times. Well 3.5 to be totally techincal. I'm alright and at this point I just don't care. I want my new car so that I can move on. That's right that's all thats left of it. Now moving on to happier things, Dylan and I went to Semi-Formal 3 days later and looked amazing. THANK ALLIE FOR MAKING ME LOOK SO AMAZING!!!

I had an amazing time and I think he did too. Part of me wants to just say screw it because of all the drama and shit and say that we could be better friends. But I don't want to let them win and I don't want to let him go. I'm so sick and tired of all the stress. I just want to be a big girl and live my own life and not worry about all the shit anymore. Fuck it I quit.

~Done~

Lost In My Mind

Over the last few days I've been trying to figure things out. Trying to work through things in my own head. Why men feel it necessary to hit there wives, girlfriends, significant others. Why people feel the need to be rude/cruel to others. Why professors feel the need to belittle there students. But most of all why people fall in love?

I guess the answer to the first one is simply, some, men feel like they are losing control and the only way to get it back is fear. So if they make us fear them we won't have our own mind. Though I would have thought in this day and age men would have wanted a women who was strong, independent and wanted to be there own person. Then again who wants a women who can think for herself?

I will never understand peoples need to be inherently rude to others. I understand that people are jealous, and want what other's have but what do eye rolls, heavy sighs and incoherent comments do? Nothing more then prolong the rudeness and "hatred" am I right?

I would have thought that professors where there to help us the student body. But I must honestly say that today I was pushed over the edge by one professor. When I asked him to replay something so that I could clarify he made it seem like the mistake I made was ridiculous and childish, as though I wasn't trying hard enough. I think that I work harder then some of the people in that class. But obviously that isn't enough for him.

I must say however that this last one is what perplexes me most. Why do people feel the need to bond with others? To be close with other people? What is it that draws people to people. What drew Dylan to me? Or vice versa? What I really wonder about is why do people want to get married.....let me explain before you all jump on me. You are tied to one person forever. You vow to have sex with one person for the rest of your life. To trust them. to love them and care for them. I guess, my question about the whole thing is if those are the concepts then why do we need divorce. I don't think you can just stop loving someone. That would be like my saying when my dad died that I just stopped loving him because he was dead. He's dead, I just can't see him anymore. I still love him. When I say I love you, I mean it. It's not just three words to me. "those three words are said to much, but not enough." I think everyone has a someone. It just depends on how long it takes to find them.

~Questions~

Dylan

So I'm sitting at the computer typing and Dylan is playing final fantasy. And I'm listening to some guy complain about his life and lack of God. And now he has to show me why he hates country, because of Rascal Flats Drum set. He's adorable.....my angry drummer! As Dylan would say.... "Wow I picked a winner." Sometimes I think he just needs to bang something really hard. Hence the reason a set was a good choice for him.......

~Caught up~

Walking

Do you ever feel like your just going through the motions? You are just alive. You are just breathing, you are just moving. That if you stopped maybe no one would notice? You know I seem to be stuck in this state today. I can't seem to shake the feeling that no one would notice if I just stopped. I mean eventually someone would notice, because they'd need something from me, and want me to do something for them and then they'd wonder what happened to me.

Did you ever just want to be happy but you knew that no matter what you'd probably end up unhappy? I'm waiting, waiting for the catch. There always is one. Good people always finish last. What is it about the world and finishing last? Why can't anything I do be easy? I just want to be happy. I want things to be easy, I just want to know that someone really fucken cares and wants to be with me for the rest of my life. But what are the chances of that?

~Confused~

Forever

Papa Roach
Forever

in the brightest hour, of my darkest day
i realised what is wrong with me
cant get over you, cant get through to you
its been a helter skelter romance from the start
take these memories that are haunting me
of a paperman cut into shreds by his own pair of scissors
he'll never forgive her he'll never forgive her

because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever
because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever

sittin by a fire on a lonely night
hangin-over from another good time
with another girl, little dirty girl
you should listen to this story of a life
your my heroine, in this moment im lonely fullfilling my darkest dreams
all these drugs, all these women
im never forgiven, this broken heart of mine

because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever

one last kiss, before i go
dry your tears, it is time to let you go
one last kiss, one last kiss, before i go
dry your tears, it is time to let you go

because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever
because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever

one last kiss, before i go
dry your tears, it is time to let you go
one last kiss, before i go dry your tears
it is time to let you go, one last kiss....

You figure it out......

~Happiest girl~

Dorm Rooms and Mustangs

I figured it's about time to empty my mind out and allow you all to see things through my eyes agian. I was in the gym earlier trying to run, it was pitiful, and I started to wonder if I really do want to be in college. Do I want this as much as I used to? Or do I want to make the Army my life? Do I just want to switch over to active and go to Jump and Language school. I guess that my unit has the funding to send us, but just don't. It's just been stressful around here. My life has been fucking crazy. I'm meeting with Debbie after class tomorrow, I'm so ready to just let go and get back to my high school friends.

On another positive note I saw a mustang that I want. It's a fully loaded, white, automatic for 28,125. That's not bad, not bad at all. What do you all think? Should I buy it or not? Dylan could put racing stripes on it for me. Which would make me feel better because it's white. It's also not a convertable, but baby steps.

~Contemplative~