Sick

I give up. No one will want me until I'm out of the Army. I give up.

~Depressed and Hurt~

Iraq

I'm leaving at the end of the month......trying to cope with my real life and I think I'm accually dealing well. I love me and I need to right now. Things haven't been going as well. And I'm hurt and angry with me, and my friends are helping me work through and I love them all. Thanks guys. I need you all right now. You guys are great!

~Unsure~

Home

Staring at an empty cup of understanding Maybe you could fill it up and tell me why you left I don’t want to be alone in this ocean Of people passing by rushing toward the end And I can see your soft reflection like a ghost in the mirror And I would do whatever I could for a chance to have you here (Chorus) And be home again Now that you’re gone I can see that I was wrong Back in your arms I feel home again Now that you’re gone I can see I was wrong Back in your arms again Again Even as the clouds roll by I swear they mock me Cause every one that fills the sky turns into your face Maybe it was heaven’s fault they lost an angel couldn’t hold on and I let her get away And I can see you soft reflection like a ghost in the mirror And I would do whatever it could for a chance to have you here

Chorus

So it's been an exceptionally long time sense I have let any of you in on what is going on in my life. I have gone to several concerts this summer. Family Values and Ozz Fest. Dylan and I have spent some time together, mostly with other people. Tomorrow is our day, just us. I'm so looking forward to that. I did end up finding my birth control, get this I had already packed it. I move to Greensburg on Sunday, and Dylan is staying here. Hopefully he'll be in Pittsburgh next semester, but I'm not hoping to hard. I don't want to be disapointed if things don't work out and he doesn't come with us. We've been together 6 months on September 8th. I'm happy, and I love him......that's about all the more exciting things that have happened recently.

~In love~

I lost it

I lost my birth control.

~Frustrated!~

OCD

I'm having some issues latley. No there is nothing wrong with me, but I haven't been this happy and in love in so long that I'm really just afraid to let go and let things be and just accept it for what it is. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to ruin things and that's usually what happens. I fuck up or ruin my relationship. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that guys want to have sex with me, they got what they want so then they can add me to the list of girls and make me another "notch on the bed post." I'm sick of being a "notch" I want to be something more. Dylan and I have been hurt in the past and I think we are both just afraid to hurt eachother. Neither one of us wants to hurt the other, which makes us both causious. I think that if he decides to go with me to my sisters that we should talk about all this stuff. I don't want to lose him, he's amazing, but I don't want him to feel like he has to put on a show or hold back from me. He's gotten better about talking to me about what's bothering him. I think we are good together, I love him. He's so amazing to me, he's so good to me. I think we complement eachother well and I think the fact that we have similar life experiences make things easier and hard for both of us. I think that we work well together. I just love him so much. ~In-love~

Completley Nauseous

Have you ever just been comepletly nausiated by yourself? I remember when I came home from the Army I had a hot body. My abs were tight and my legs and shoulders were cut and my arms were muscular. And now I feel flabby and not anything like I did when I came home. I really do feel nausiated by myself. The car accident really put me at a disadvantage. I'm tired all the time and lathargic. Life just sucks!

~Bummed~

One week

So this week has been very interesting. Nothing was what it seemed. To much tension and stress. Anyway, Dylan and I stayed several days at his mom and Scott's house out in Tioga. And then we came home. I haven't slept right in the last couple of days. I took Dylan back to Correy today and I miss him so much. You know, I don't think that I have ever felt this way about anyone. I hate leaving him, it always feels like I'm not going to see him for months or years. He always says, you act like I'm never going to see you again, but that's how it feels. I know that I'll probably see him on Suday or Monday. We are going camping in at his mom's camp. I have to work Friday and Saturday so that will keep me busy until I get home and wait for him to call on Sunday. So I have to tough it through tomorrow and Thursday and then I'll be busy. I also have to find time to go out to Cincinatti to visit my sister maybe the week after next. Who know's? I need to call Dylan or Kris and get the money for my dress.

~Contemplative~