Partay

The party is over and kids are gone. Not as many people showed up as expected, but when does that ever happen? We have lots of pizza and chips and pop left over. Allison is going to come back with Aie and we are going to play games and stuff. I had a lot of fun and I think everyone who came had a lot of fun too!

I'm watching Princess diaries on t.v. I love this movie! I love the second one too!

~Having an awsome day~

Good Enough

I realized something today, I am better. I am an awsome person who would drop anything to do anything for anyone. I am more confident, in myself and in my work. I've grown a lot, and I like who I am and have become from all of this.

TOMORROW IS THE PARTY! I'M SO EXCITED!

~Happy with me~

When I really should be sleeping.....

So much has been going on in my life lately. I hung out with a friend in Erie today, I then hung out with some girls I went to high school with. We talked about a lot of things. Had hot coco and French fries over boy talk......of course! :)

I also saw my really close friend today. In a much better mood! It was an unplanned visit but yet again another emergency had arisen and I was accually already on my way to Erie to go shopping with a friend. So it was no biggy. We all went to Wal mart and then went back to their place and had some pop and then my friend and I were on our way to go shopping.

I keep missing ******** online. I'm afraid he's going to hate me. I was suppose to talk to him the other night until emergencies arose, and then he messaged me today while I was in the shower and didn't realize it until I got home. I was really hoping he'd be on tonight, but to no avail. Maybe I can catch him tomorrow. *Crosses fingers*

Talking with my friend who lives in Erie has made me realize so many things about myself. They were born and raised in Texas. Southern Bells. Then there is me......the Iron Rose. I'm not afraid to hold anything back. I can hold my tongue if necessary, but I'm not afraid to be honest. I don't mind doing the dirty work. My dad always said "don't let others do for you, what you can do for yourself." Is that wrong? I don't think I need a man to do things for me, I don't think I need a man. I would love to be loved and be in-love with someone. But I don't think I need it. I'm highly opinionated. I'm not saying that's what they said. Here is an example, we got a car battery at wal-mart, I picked it up out of the trunk of my car.....not a big deal to me, I do it all the time, they however did not think I should be carrying a car battery. Not because I was a women, but because it's not the way things are done. Men carry the heavy, labor intensive things and do the hard work and women make dinner and clean and take things easy. To me this is the 21st century women can do anything. Join the military, have a high end career, travel, lift heavy car batteries, change tires and oil, get dirty. I'm not saying that this person said women can't do any of those things. I don't know exactly what I am trying to say. Should I not pick up the car battery? Should I hold my tongue and be slightly less opinionated? Or not at all? Should I leave the politics and government running to men? Should I abandon everything I thought that I stood for, because I am a women?

~Contemplative~

Finalization

Debbie
Kari
Allison
Aie-Allison's forgien exchange student
Jess
Heidi
Emily (both)
Myself

And Eric is going to swing by sometime on the 31st.

So kids if you were invited and are not on the final list you better get there. LET ME KNOW!

Pukey

I went to my appartment last night to replace the plates and silverware that I just got for christmas. I went downstairs and found someone, who I concider a great friend, in a tough situation. They were really down and upset, so my roommate and I volunteered to go and work things out, which ment going to Erie. When we got there it was a little foggy, but not to bad. When we went to leave it was awful, so we stayed over night. In the middle of the night I got a migrain, so I spent the night throwing up, and I had an awful headach. It's really ruff. I feel really bad I blew someone off that I didn't want to. I hope he will forgive me.

~Pukey~

Merry Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the house

Not a creature was stiring-not even a mouse

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there

The children were nestled all snug in the beds while visions of sugar plums danced in thier heads

Mama in kerchife and I in my cap and just setting down for our long winter nap

When out on the lawn we heard such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter

Away to the window I flew like a flash I flung open the shutters and threw up the sash

The moon on the brest of the new fallen snow

Gave the luster of mid-day to the objects below

And what to my wondering eyes should appear

But a minutre sleigh and eight tiny reindeer

With a little old driver so lively and quick

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!

"As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

~Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night~

Nappie

I just woke up from my three hour nappie! I feel so much better! I'm going to kick back a ginergale and some grahm-crackers with cholcolate.

~Refreshed~

6 a.m.

Yesterday went fairly like a normal day for me. Get up screw around on the computer, go pick up my brother. When my sister came home she brought a friend with her, and she intived me to go back to her apartment. Needless to say, we had a rocken time! I was pretty pumped! :) Your questioning the title? Yea I went to sleep at 6 a.m. and got up at 11 a.m. I'm really tired. I wanted to go to bed earlier, but I just couldn't I was having to much fun. BAH I think I need some serious nappage!

~Burned out~

Wow.....

Today was really uneventful. I think I'm coming down with whatever my brother and sister had. I feel like I'm going to puke and I've been really tired all day....even though I slept in till 11 or so.

I went out for coffee with a friend tonight. He totally rocks! We don't have a lot in common, and I'm so politically driven I know a lot of people can't stand politics. Politics can be loaded. On top of it all, I've never cared about political correctness. I'm protected by the first ammendment. If the KKK, and the Neo-Nazi's can march and have their to do I can say what I choose. I'm no racist, I care about all people. I don't discriminate, and yet I'm told that I shouldn't say Merry Christmas, because I might offend someone. Did anyone think that by not saying you might offend me? Oh it's a loaded question. Don't say Happy Holidays so you can make money. That's just greed.

I'm listening to the Beetles right now. It's kind of been a bad day. The events of yesterday hung heavy in my head and my dreams. Then when I got up I took a shower and decided that I wanted to curl my hair, I wanted to feel pretty today. I burned my left temple, my mom doesn't think it's to bad, I however think it's really painful. And sense it's on my body I guess I get to make the final decision about it. :) Someone sent me a message, it was only a few words but it turned my whole day around and made me smile. :) I ran even to clear my mind. I love to run, it's just me, and the pavement. Nothing can get to me, nothing can get under my skin. Who would think that something that makes you smell bad can be so refreshing?.......me.....I guess that doesn't say a lot though.

I really want to go to Pittsburgh and see my friend I miss her terribly! I should call her tomorrow! In fact I think I will. I hope that I can go after the holidays.

~Content~

Where to go?

I don't know what to do with myself. It's days like this that make me wonder why I have to be alive. I haven't eaten, I didn't sleep well, it was a bad day. So many things............so many things I didn't want to have to face, but I did. I did my best. I think I did, at least. And that's all that counts. The question is: To be, or not to be?

The surgery went well. And all should be fine. I'm really happy that it's all over and hopefully it's the end of all of this. I feel bad for the kids, they have spent more time at "me mums" and Pap pap's then at home. But I guess things happen, and sometimes they are to far beyond your own controll.

I went shopping with my "twin" today. I had a good time. We got to talk about a lot of things. She is so right about so many things. I don't know what I would do without her. You know who you are.

~A wreck~

So yea....

I got a call from one of my "twins" today....and I was really excited. Well, it turned out she only wanted another friends phone number, but we are going shopping tomorrow. It should be a lot of fun! At least I hope it will be......

I talked to ******* last night. While I have an awsome time talking to him, I'm not sure how he feels. You know what I mean? I don't want to be over bearing or anything like that. He's a really awsome sweet guy......but gotta take things one day at a time. I don't want to have my heart stomped on agian. Am I ready for this keeps flashing in my head, then agian I don't want to stay away either. It's so hard because I would love to go out sometime and just hang out. Watch a movie or something, and see where things are from there. But that's really kind of hard at this point. I don't know.......I'm probably just reading too far into things or something. I usually do. :( I don't know. Sometimes I really can't stand myself.

~Frustrated~

Babies

My friend called me up tonight and asked me to babysit her son, so of course I said yes! I love kids. I love to be with them. I love to be around them. :) I don't know there is just something about them that makes me want my own. But with 7 years of college ahead of me it all doesn't seem conducive. You know? Law school senior/grad, we'll talk. Real life has set in. It's good, but it sucks so badly sometimes!

I went and got my hair trimmed today, and layered around my face. I love it so much. She curled it for me, and blew it dry. It looks so amazing! I totally love it! I look so hot! Well that's whatever one else is saying.....*looks around* Alright so I think I look good once in awhile. :) Go me. :)


So I'm kind of fat. Leave me alone. :) ~swizel sticks~

~Excited~

The Real World

I went to the Erie mall today with my mom. I ran into my sister and a bunch of our friends up there. It was a good time. My one friend has an older brother and we go on "dates." It's a lot of fun. He's really smart and intelligent and we have a lot of stuff in common. He's just a really cool person to hang out with.

I hate being in large groups of people in a small place. It really got bad when we went into the mall. I have panic attacks in large groups when I can't get away. Yea it wasn't a good time like I thought it was going to be.

I'm so excited about becoming a nurses aide. I really hope I get the job! I would get to wear scrubs and have my own stethoscope. Not only that but I would get to work with people. While most of it is going to be bitch work, you have to start some where right? My job would entail:

Feeding people
Cleaning up-bodily functions of any type
Walking people to the restroom
Taking vitals
Sitting with over dose patients

That would be my job. Can you imagine? Me working at a hospital? With people, getting to talk to people. I would love it! No I take that back I'm going to love it! I just need to get hired. :) PLEASE CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR ME!?!?!?! I love you all.

~Ponders~

Starting Over

Nothing much has been going on in my life. Well not really. Bridget had her baby. It's a boy, Samuel Wayne. He's so adorable. Unfortunatly my roommate and I were unable to make it to Pittsburgh for the birth. We were watching the girls. As stressful as it was, and as tired as we are we loved every minute of it! We are going to go out tomorrow and help them with the kids and make dinner. We just want to make life easy for them. I so love the kids!

It's Christmas. I'm single. I feel alone and outcast. I'm not living at home so no one is really screaming at me, but no one is really paying attention either. I loved having someone to hold me, brush my hair, rub my hand. I don't have that, and I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. My mom and I hang out alot.

I did some Christmas shopping today. I have no money so I tried to do the best I could. I hope you like them! I turned in my application today, at UPMC. I'm hoping to be hired as a nurses aide. *Crosses fingers*

~Hopeful~

Sorry guys

I lent my laptop to a friend whose computer broke and her research paper is due friday. I will get it back like tomorrow or something.

My mom and I are going to go see a movie with some friends. It's going to be a real good time. Oh and about that Nurses aid stuff: to work at upmc I don't need to take the class. AWSOME! So I'm going to apply and they will train me on the job, if I get hired of course.

I love you all! :)

I took my last final today. THANK GOD I NEVER WANT TO SEE THAT WOMAN AGIAN!

~YEAH~

So far

I have been hearing back from people and that makes me totally excited.

Here are the people who I've been told or have told me they are coming:
*The list*
Me
Kari
Debbie
Allison
Deanna
Heidi
Jess.


GOOD TIMES! If you arn't on this list and have been invited drop me a line!

I've been outside helping put up Christmas decorations. How much fun! Not only that but I rode the train today for 3 hours. The parents of the kids wouldn't controll them. I was getting really pissed.

I hope that I get to talk to **** tonight.

~Sleepy~

Another amazing day

We put up our Christmas tree today. It's awsome. Have you ever seen those movies where the family listens to Christmas music and the family is like the "typical" family, yea that's what it totally felt like. Then my sister proceeded to yell profanities so it wouldn't feel to much like a family Christmas. Yea that's my sister.

Nothing to much has been going on. I met a guy. He's really nice. :)

~Pumped~

Tired

I just finished my 20% project, I helped my mom paint and saw lots of wood, and now I'm here. I'm so sleepy. I'm going to take a hot shower and climb into bed.

One of my super close friends said something to me the other night that really made me think: There is only one person who can make you cry, and he won't. That really hit me. I think it really helps that I have a friend who is going through the same thing at the same time. I really feel like I have someone who I can talk to and who understands exactly how I feel.

~Relaxed~

Oh sick

I don't feel good at all. I slept for like 11 hours last night, and I still don't feel like I've slept at all. OH SUCK! I'm hungry, but I feel like if I eat I'll puke, I have a slight temperature. I'm cold to touch you, but my face is warm. I don't want to keep my head up. I just want to lay down. I'm so glad I have 2 days left. I'm hoping they will be short. I have Theory and my English final tomorrow and then history, math and then a lit test on Friday. What could they possibly teach on the last day? NOTHING I'm hoping. Though this is college and you never know. Oh and my ears are bothering me too. When I was walking to my car after class I swear the snow was like blowing directly into my ears. It hurts so much! And now my throat hurts. I think I might be dying.

~Puky~

Floor and beyond

I helped my mom put in a floor today. I can't tell you how many times I hit my thumb or knocked my hand off of something. If I thought my hands hurt before, yea.....well you get the idea.

Nothing far to exciting has happened.

~Tired~

Last week

This is the last week of classes. Wow time has flown by. I can't believe this semester is over already.

When you think of Christmas what do you think of? Santa? Presents? Shopping? Family? What's for dinner? Everyone gets so caught up in the season that does anyone think of the people who don't have any of that? I read something from a friend, she said she read a sign somewhere that said "Dear Santa, don't forget the lonely people." People get so caught up in their everday life that we rarley have time to think about people who don't have. To many times people get angry because they don't get what they want or they arn't happy with what they have. I think people need to be happy that they have anything at all.

~Questions~

The Bashing

Alright so between all of like 4 people there's a whole lot of name calling going on. I don't know what to think. I need to hear both sides before I make up my mind. I don't know what to think or do. Eh.....I guess what happens, happens.

Ce La Vie

~Tired~

So sweepy

Oh kids, I think I might be getting sick agian. I don't want to do anything, my head is all conjusted, my eyes are all goopy, my nose is stuff, my back is starting to hurt, and all I want to do is sleep.

This is my last week of classes. And for that I am happy. I have finals the following, but I only have 2 so it's no biggy. Math, I'm dead.....I pretty much failed. I think even if I can pull it off, I would still want to take it agian, to make sure I really do have it. And history....not a biggy. AT ALL! I think I've gotten this college thing down. And I'm totally loving it! I guess my thing is that there are no groups for me to join here. There are no band activities for me to do. Which is really dissapointing. But Matt says that I might be able to do marching band with Edinboro next year! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT WOULD ROCK!?!?!?!?! I'm so pumped.

I'm thinking the sleep over is going to be the 30 and 31. Ladies so for all you out there who, are invited and read this make note. And bring 2 or 3 bucks for snacks.

*The list*
Allison
Ashleigh
Alexis
Me
Kari
Debbie
Deanna
Emily
Heidi
Jess
Rachel

If you want to come the party is open to boys but my mom says they can't stay over night, and she has to know you and ok it first....bah on mommies..... :) Drop me a message in here.

~BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS~

Gone

I had my mom put away the prom pictures. I told her that I don't want to look at them anymore. He doesn't want me back, I want him back. I keep telling myself that it's over and there is nothing I can do.

I ran a mile today I feel good.

Anyway....that's about the extent of my day.

~SWEEPY~