MY CAR!

I called the mechainic today to see how things were going with my car. They said it would be done at the end of the week! THE END OF THE WEEK! AHHHHH! YEAH!!!!! I'M SO EXCITED! She's going to be pretty agian!

~EXCITED~

2nd time around

Ken called me today. I guess we get on eachother's nerves and stuff like that. So we are taking another break. I don't pretend to understand him. I guess if things are ment to be they will happen. Oh well.....I can't say that I'm suprised. I'm hurt a little. But life goes on.....

~Blank~

Halloween Parade

We marched Meadvilles Halloween parade. Wow was that fun. Hurry up and wait. Hurry up and wait. Go no where. Finally we did move. How silly. It was a really good time! But anyway.....I'm super tired. I have lot's of homework to do tomorrow. So I'm off to night night time. I got to talk to Ken tonight. It made me so happy! :) Was the perfect ending to my perfect day!

~Sleep sleep time~

Simply innocent

Don't be fooled by the title. I spent the better part of the day on the phone with the insurance people and mechanic. SO MUCH FUN! NOT! I think they forget I'm a college kid. Anyway, as I posted earlier I got my ticket and didn't know what to do. My mom said it's probably cheaper to just plead guilty and take the points. They will go away and I don't have time to go down before the majistrate. I am a college kid let's remember. So anyway kids, while I get to sleep in tomorrow till 8:30. I must be off to sleep sleep time! ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!

~ZZZZZZZ~

Guilty Or Not Guilty

I got my ticket in the mail today. I have to send it back and tell them if I want to plead guilty or not guilty. I don't really want to go through all the hassle of setting this up. I just want to forget it happened. Pay the stupid 110.50 and get on with my life. But how long do points stick around on your license? I don't know I think that will be the determing factor. Yea a 25 dollar ticket, plus 35 dollars plus 50 for I have no idea what.

~Jacked~

Because of you

I'm limited:
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you -You can do all I couldn't do,

So now it's up to you
For both of us
Now it's up to you:

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let themAnd we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew youI have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetimeSo let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:
Because I knew you:
I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgivenessFor the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled Like a ship blown
From orbit as it
Off it's mooring
Passes a sun, like
By a wind off theA stream that meets Sea, like a seed
A boulder, half-way
Dropped by a
Through the wood
Bird in the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better?
And because I knew you:

Because I knew you:
Because I knew you:
I have been changed for good.

There are a lot of things that have made me who I am today. I just want to thank everyone. :) I love you all.

~Fulfilled~

AND THE WINNER IS......

THEY ARE GOING TO FIX IT! THEY ARE GOING TO FIX MY CAR! YEAH!!!!! This is what I wanted and hoped for! I'm not sure anyone know's just how extremely happy I am! It's 8:30 I was going to sleep for an hour before my class. Guess that's not happening. Well. I guess I can nap bewteen, history and math. THEY WILL FIX MY BABY! It's going to look like this agian!

~EXCITED~

Fixable?

I talked to the mechanic today. When I talked to him, he said my car was worth 6775. I paid 12 grand. But anyway. He said he had come up to 4700 hundred in damage. I have a 500 difference. He has to call the insurance to make sure he can fix it. He said he can't promise anything, but it should be ok. I told him that I really just want it fixed. I don't want the money. I want the car. He said he would do his best. I'm so excited! SO SO SO Excited! Everyone just keep your finger's crossed for me. I really truly want this car back!

~Excited~

Run Around

So the insurance people call. "Who do you want us to send the car to?" We work all that out. I call the place, oh I don't think we can pick it up. It's to far away. So, now they have to get special permission to go and get it. So I now have to wait to find out. BAH. And on top of it all no one has looked at the car, so it might not have been worth bringing it all the way home. I just want it back so badly. The guy I talked to said it sounds like it should be repairable. Thank God. I just want it back, I love my car. I know I make it sounds so important. But to me it is. It was my first real step into adulthood. I don't want to let it go just yet.

~Hoping and Praying~

Irony

I just realized I brought my car home on a rainy day, and I ruined it on a rainy day. WOW.....the best and worst days of my life.

~Crying~

Just waiting

Before After

I called the insurance people today. They told me they would get back to me within 24 hours. I should know tomorrow. I just want to know that my baby is going to be alright.

I took my math retest today. I think it went well. I didn't have my calculator. I still think it went ok. Or at least I hope it did.

Nothing much is going on right now. I'm just kind of between myself. I feel like I'm floating between worlds. Like I have one foot here and my other foot is somewhere else. I want my car back so badly. I just want to sit on the seat's and know that everything is going to be alright. My back is tight and my knee's hurt a little today, but it's all good. I'd rather hurt then have someone be dead or seriously injured.

~Tight, and Bruised~

Sick to my stomach

I don't know what to do. I have this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that it's not going to be fixable. I keep replaying the whole situation in my head. I wouldn't have done anything different and that's for sure. Something deep in the back of my mind said it would be best to hit him. So I did. I'm amazed that my mom didn't freak out. Like I totally saw her ripping me a new one. She saids it happens and while I probably could have been more careful, I did what I had to do. Wow. I can't stop looking at these pictures. My mom get's mad and says I shouldn't beat myself up over it. It happened. Now I know, I won't do it again. ***Knocks on wood*** It's so hard to see 12 grand just sitting in a pile. It's my baby. So many memories of marching band and youth group. I don't want people to think I'm unsafe. I think I'm a pretty safe driver. It was a bad situation. I'm so hurt. Not physically, just emotionally. I guess it was the perfect ending to the worst week of my life. ***And for all you out there who don't know me.....THAT'S SCARSASM!***

~Drained~

My first

For all of my loyal readers! I was in my first car accident today. I reended a guy and he has a scratch and a dent. The front of my is totally distroyed. So yeah......and on top of all of it. I got a ticket. Because I was following to closly. The breaks locked and I slid.....what was I suppost to do?

~I want my car~

Still Can't Eat so Well

I'm in Penn State. In dorm room 236. For all of you who that means nothing to it's Ken's room. We have been talking. And we are back together. :) There was a ruff spot last night, when he said that somethings happened with a girl that I don't know how I feel about. But it doesn't count. I wasn't mad as much as I was really hurt. I remeber Sunday I just wanted to get plastered, I didn't, but I wanted to. Anyway. Last night was the best sleep that I've gotten in a week! I feel alright. I just need to get past the eating and digesting it in 15 minutes. I don't think that's really good for me. Oh well.

I got him some Jolt, thinking that he has had it and really likes it ( he likes caffinanated stuff). So today he was like this is the first time I've had this stuff. It's really good! What a strange kid! Anyway....yea I'm really boring.

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey’s head?
This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneakin’ out
This is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must’ve done it half a dozen times
I wonder if it’s too late
Should I go back and try to graduate
Life’s better now than it was back then
If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for It's hard to say It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin’ out
They say somebody went and burned it down
We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we’d know
We said someday we’d find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel
Kim’s the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She’s had a couple of kids since thenI haven’t seen her since God knows when
I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can’t erase
You can’t replace it
I miss it now
I can’t believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for It's hard to say It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

~Moved~

Broken

So it's over. It's really over. He said he thought he would have to date other people to realize I was gone. A real relationship. I'm really hurt. But it's his life to. I need time, I think he needs time. I think we both need to just relax and let things happen. If they are ment to be, they will happen. If not they won't. :'(

The winter here’s cold, and bitter
It’s chilled us to the bone
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks
To long too far from home
I feel just like I’m sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go

If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love

So it’s better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we said and do
Hurts us all the more
Its just that we stay, too long
In the same old sickly skin
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go

If all of the strength
And all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love

~Sad~

Lost

I'm single. How crazy is that? 3 years. For all of you who are about to go into convulsion's, I'm going to see him Friday and we will talk then. I'm lost, I don't know who I am without my friends. I don't know what I want. I can't eat, I had a really hard time going to sleep last night. A friend even took my keys, because they were afraid I wasn't rational enough to make proper decisions. I think they might have been right no matter how annoyed I was. Emily, I'm sorry I couldn't get your bookbag back earlier. I haven't told anyone where I was so I'm not going to post it. I was with responisible people. Who were looking out for my best intrests.

~Looking for me~

Yesterday

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it look as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me oh, yesterday came suddenly
Why she had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away oh, I believe in yesterday
Why she had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away oh,
I believe in yesterday, Mm

Jumping off the worlds highest cliff sounds good right about now. I feel like the worst person in the world. I had to tell a friend something, that was 1. Not my place and 2. None of my business. I just could bear to see him get hurt anymore.

~Lower than dirt~

Football Games

So I found out that one of the girls in marching band is a total and complete bitch and thinks I have absoulty no control in anything. HERE'S SOME NEWS!!!! I'M RANKING YOU! SHUT UP!

In better news we have a "competition" tomorrow and hopefully we will kick some serious ass. I want to hear what the judges have to say about us. It's probably not so good.

Bjalksdjfaijdfsandflashdfioasjdfasmdflhohaw8thy8hys4308t5u y3q0tu3,m0t89ujeroigfjsd
This is how I feel right now. So random. I'm really hungry and my mind is going a million miles an hour.

~BAH~

Inside Out

"Because Of You"

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of youI never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's emptyBecause of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

I'm so lost inside myself. I don't know what end is up and what part is down. I'm so confused.

~Lost in my own body~

Inside Myself

my last breathhold on to me love
you know i can't stay long
all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid

can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?
holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonigh

ti'll miss the wintera world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
i know you hear me

i can taste it in your tearsholding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's theresay goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black

~Contemplating~

Today

I had a sort of off day today. No idea why. I don't know what is going on. :( I miss my friends.

For the last couple days I have been having problems with my air matress. See I have a futon for a bed and I have an air matress, because I have a really sensitive back. I can't sleep on hard surfaces like a floor for long periods of time. The matress has been deflating during the night, because it had a three inch hole in it. So my mom is going to get me a new one and that's why I'm still awake. I really tired I just want my mom to get home so I can go to bed. :o

~Waiting for sleep~

To All The Little People

Today was an all round good day. I was in Penn State. With my boyfriend and sister and a couple of friends. We went shopping, my mom wanted a foam # 1 finger and I bought my little brother a Penn State Jersey with a number 1 on it and his name across the back.

I feel so appetetic latley. I don't know why. I feel so crappy, not like sick crappy. I don't know what's going on with me. Oh well. I'm so crazy. Silly me.

I've been talking with my best friend and a couple of other friends and such and what not. :) It's been good, I miss talking to friends and just having a good time.

I have to write a paper, do a project for history, read, take a math and lit test. And my ears are so itchy! I don't know why.

~Totally and Completely In Love~

Damn Them All

I have to write a comparison and constasting paper on two of anything. People, cats, even people and goats. I think I'm going to do Hitler and Stalin. I know they are both masterminds, but I want to find out which one was worse.

I might be going to pick up one of my friends on friday to hang out. Seeing as I have nothing better to do.

I'm suppost to take my little brother to see my boyfriend, but the way things are going, I don't know if I will be taking him. He's so busy latley that he doesn't have time for stuff like that. My brother will be really dissapointed though. I'll just have to wait and see what he's doing in two weeks, but he's talking like he's going to be way to busy, so I don't know.

I'm super tired so I'm going to bed.

~Blank~

Oh So Sweepy!

I haven't been sleeping very good latley. I'm not sure why. So I'm so sweepy.

I've been working on homework and stuff. Going to band pratice. I've been trying to budget time to make everything. It's working I've been getting work done and stuff.

Baby, if you read this I could use some help with my math. It's real simple stuff. I just need some help with like infinate and stuff I'm confusing when it is or isn't. So maybe if you have time tomorrow or whatever. I really miss you. I want to see you so badly.

~Sweep sweep time~

Homework

I don't know what's going on with me. I haven't felt right latley. I don't know why. It seems to be so odd that I'm not sure what's going on with me. I usually know that I'm just guilty cuze I didn't do my homework, or because I didn't do what my mom told me too. I don't know what to do. I feel so out of place. I don't know, I think it might be the drugs that I'm on for my bronchitus.

~Missing In Action~

Murder in the First Degree

One of my friends called me tonight and told me her mother commited sucide. I went right over. She isn't dealing very well with everything. She put a high powered rifle to her chest and pulled the trigger. I don't know what to do for her.

I was talking to someone else who almost commited sucide. I'm really close with this person. I don't know what I would do if I had never met them. I love this person so much. I don't think they know how much I care about them. But I do care about you so much! (If you read this. I want you to know that.)

~Unsure~

2nd Time Around

I went to the doctor yesterday. I don't have phyarengitis and an ear infection. I have bronchitius. So I'm now on a z pack, inhailer, and cough syrup. I'm really sleepy. I have to make up my math homework. Better yet I need to catch up. When I get sick, I have no drive to do anything. And read for my history class. ***Yawns*** Just thinking about it makes me tired! :)

~Feeling a little better~