One day at a time

Today has been interesting, to say the least. My car battery almost died. That was a first experience. So I need to get a new one, well my mom wants to make sure that they didn't put a new one in the car when they fixed it from my accident, but I don't know why they would have. Ok, I just checked and they didn't replace it. So I need a new battery. Let me just say it's bad when your professor walks up and says "what's wrong, you're never this quiet in class." I decided that I had to make the day better.

I studied for my math test. And I'm now watching American Idol. Some of these people need to be shot. They are scary. I'm waiting for ***** to call. I'm hoping he's not mad, Emily thought it would be funny not to give me the phone and then just out of now where he had to go really quickly last night. *Breaths*

~Tired~

About Me.....

10 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME
1. I can play the Sax and Clarinet
2. I would do anything for any of my friends
3. I hate the way I look
4. My eyes change colors
5. I'm a UPT student
6. I'm a political person
7. I like everyone, until you give me a reason not to
8. I'm laid back, do what you will, it's your life
9. I'm afraid of elevators
10. I want to be a supreme court justice

9 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Be loved
2. Marry my true love
3. Have kids
4. Be a lawyer
5. Get a mustang
6. Travel the world
7. Graduate from Undergrad
8. Graduate from Grad school
9.Live near Debbie

8 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART
1. Tell me I'm important to you
2. Hold me
3. Touch me
4. Talk to me, even if for a minute
5. Make me laugh
6. Make me smile
7. Visit me
8. Tell me you miss me

7 THINGS I'M AFRAID OF
1. Being alone, forever
2. Dying alone
3. Leting my Dad down
4. Never having kids
5. Never finding true love
6. Never being making anything of myself
7. Not making the world a better place

6 PLACES I HAVE VISITED
1. Hawaii
2. Canada
3. Flordia
4. New York
5. Delaware
6. Maryland

5 THINGS I BELIEVE IN
1. God
2. Myself
3. True love
4. People
5. Things happen for a reason

4 OF MY FAVORITE ITEMS IN MY BEDROOM
1. Alfred Hitchcock
2. Herbert
3. My cat
4. My Ladybug

3 THINGS I DO EVERYDAY
1. Watch T.v.
2. Eat
3. Sleep

2 THINGS I AM TRYING NOT TO DO RIGHT NOW
1. Be upset
2. Go to sleep

1 THE ONE PERSON I WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW
1. Chris- come on you all saw that coming!

New Tricks?

I need to learn that it's not always my fault. If something happens or someone has something planned and they just abruptly need to go, it's not my fault. I didn't do anything wrong. So I have made my-self an improvement list (kind of like a honey do list, only these are things I need to re-teach myself).

1. It's not always my fault.
2. Don't assume because someone has to go abruptly that I've done something wrong.
3. Don't go on about me, make other people talk about them.
4. Tell my significant other what I think about him and not just to everyone else.

I think 1 and 4 will be the hardest. 1 because for a long time it always was my fault. And 4, I've just always kind of had a hard time opening up to guys like that, 1. I don't want to get hurt, but 2. Because I was never really raised to show to much emotion, be happy when you are and shut up when your not. I've fallen into that habit where if someone has to go all of a sudden I've done something wrong.

I've honestly spent a whole lot of time wearing the hat he gave me. I know, I know you all think I'm sad and pathetic. Well, your all probably right. I really like him and he makes me so happy. I have never had so much fun, or been so excited to see someone in my entire life. I've had so many people tell me lately that I'm carrying myself differently, that I look so much happier and that I'm so much more relaxed. And I see it. I really do, I don't know what he does to me, but I like it. I like that electrifying feeling everytime he's around, or when his arm brushes up against mine. *heart jumps*

I started studing for my math test. Looking over formulas, and problems that give me hell. I guess I'm more ready for this test that I thought I was. I need to memorize one or two things, but other than that I could take this test tomorrow and be fine. I've also started working on my 40% project for history. It's due Friday and I have read a lot of it. So I'm going to knock out the rest of the reading and then write the paper tomorrow.

~Trying to relax~

Am I dreaming?

Alright, loyal reader's. Saturday. I know, I know. You all want to know. And even if you don't....I'm going to tell you. :)

Alright well first of all I got lost, I miss a turn. Nothing new for me. I ALWAYS get lost. :) So anyway when I finally found it, he called me by the way cuze I didn't call him by the time I was suppose to be there, and he had no idea where I was. So I went and sat on a park bench and called my mom till he got there. He came and rescued me from everyone! We went back to his room and just sat around and talked. Back to him sitting on the bed and me in the chair. I kept moving and shifting, because I was uncomfortable, and he called me on it, so he said that I should come sit next to him on the bed. Well, so we were watching "Meet the Fockers" and I was leaning up against the wall and he asked me if I wanted a pillow so I took it and put it under my ribs and he gave me another one and I put it under my head. I ended up leaning up against him. So a little while later he puts his hand on my leg it and my hand was relatively close to that, so what does he do? Grabs my hand! HOLDING HANDS!!!! :) AHHHHHH!!!!! Exactly what I was thinking. :) I was screaming on the inside and smiling on the out. Well anyway we goofed around and picked me up out of his chair and put me on his bed a couple of times. I was wearing his NY hat, which I guess is a big deal. He said it's the oldest thing he has that's there, he let me wear his hat! :) Oh! Well then he "kicked" me out of his chair, and I laid down on the floor and then he was like ok, ok you can sit on the chair again and I was like, no you kicked me out. So he steps over me and grabs my hands and was doing "calistetics" and then he was done. :) Well then he wanted my hands I figured he just wanted to hold my hands so he grabbed my wrists and pulled me up and then he grabbed me around my ribs and put me on his lap and then he put his hands under my legs and put them over his other leg. So he had one hand on my back the other on my knee, his hat on my head and my arm around his neck. I kept asking him if I was crushing him, and he kept saying "No, I like this." :) AHHHHH!!!! Again. Alright, so later we are sitting on his bed watching the GSN, I think, I don't remember. And he gets up and starts walking around. Which wasn't a big deal, he just seemed uneasy. Like he had something to do, or somewhere to be. You know? The way his room is set up it's like two rooms. He kept walking around and I was really starting to feel uneasy, like something was going on and I had no idea. So I asked him what was wrong? And he said nothing he had just been sitting down a lot today and he just felt like he needed to walk around, I was like are you sure? He was like yea, I just need to just walk around. So he comes and sits down next to me. He looked at me, and I looked at him and just dismissed it as nothing. You know that feeling where you aren't looking at someone but they're watching you? Well I got that feeling. (Keep in mind I'm still wearing the hat) He starts to lean in and I was like woooo what is going on? So I pulled my head back, like an inch, and then it hits me HE WANTS TO KISS ME! So I lean in and yea, there was some fireworks on my end! :) HE KISSED ME! THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR! So later he walks me to the parking garage and I show him my car, because he's never seen it. I open my door and put my stuff in and try and get everything all set, directions on the passenger seat, bag on the floor, cell phone in reach. He comes around to my door, and turn and hug him, well I tried and once again I screwed up, because I tried to put my head over his shoulder and he had other plans. So when he said "No that's not going to fly" I then realized he was trying to kiss me. So when I was just about to get in the car he put his hand out and I being who I am gave him a five, well he put his hand out again and I was like, in my head, alright I'll shake you hand. He takes my hand and kisses it. :) OMG! Why am I so dense? I don't think I'm dense I think I'm just so caught up in all of it that I just don't see it coming. :) He gave me one of his hats and his aviators. :) Nice! He told me that he's going to come to me next. :) That is amazing. I don't think anyone will ever understand how truly happy I am. I seriously feel like I just woke up from the best dream of my life. :) It would be great if I never had to wake up, but I will take whatever I can get! :)

~The happiest girl in the world~

The best of you?

All I have to say is wow. I put up my sleep away message last night, while I was talking to Debbie on the phone. "Dreaming sweet dreams of the most amazing guy I've ever met! ;)". Is what it says. I've put it up a few times. Probably 2 or 3 other times. Well anyway, I was talking to Debbie and forgot to turn the volume off on the computer and I rolled over and took the black paper off the screen, thinking that it was just Allison telling me she was going to bed or something, at this point it was like 11:30 or so. When I took down the paper it was him! He was said: "while your busy doing that, ill be dreaming of the most amazing girl ive ever met" Let me tell you that I could not stop smiling! :) I seriously just about cried! For all of you who don't believe me ask Debbie! :) He knows just how to make my day! When we talked last night I told him that I found a parking garage and had directions but I didn't know how to get from there to his complex. He was like you stay in your car and I will come rescue you. Just stay in your car until I get there and you will be safe, I'll protect you from everyone. Come on if that doesn't melt your heart I don't know what does. He's so perfect! :) I love that I can be a smart as and he jokes back and he's protective! I'm such a sucker! :) Nothing will ruin this day.

I got a window cling from my sister today! It's a butterfly! I'm so happy! I'm going to put it up in my car. It matches the interior so well!

~Reveling~

Within reach

Saturday is so close. I can feel it. I don't want it to come because I will have to go home. And I don't want to already! I feel so safe and comfortable when I'm with him. Some of it is probably because he's 6' 4'', but I think a lot of it is just that I seriously feel like I've known him forever and ever. To just relax and feel like I can breath again. Maybe he can crack my back! That would seriously help my back issues so much!

I'm so tried, and I slept till like 10, though I didn't go to bed till 1. I need to sleep well Friday night. So I'm totally ready for Saturday.

~Sweepy~

Chicken, Turkey, or Calendar

I just spent the last 15 minutes beating up on my little brother, you know tickling him and getting ruff like a boy would. I feel so bad sometimes that he doesn't have any body to play with.

I talked to ***** today. Well accually I called him, and got his voice mail, I know he's been so busy this week he's had so much homework, so I left a message and pretty much just said hey I miss talking to you. So anyway he called me back like 15 minutes later and we talked for awhile. He's looking forward to this weekend just as much as I am. We are going to watch movies and just hanging out. I'm so pumped! Now if it could only feel like Saturday was in two days instead of ten. I can't wait to feel his arms wrapped around me again, even if it is just a hug. :) To be calm and relaxed again!

~Amazed~

Break Down

I went to change my voice mail like I do from time to time and it said that I had a message. I was a little suprised, so I check it. 5:39 he called me, because my sister was on the phone and the call wave answered. I HATE THE STUPID CALL WAIVE! We dropped there service because we don't need it anymore, but it still answers calls. RRRRRRRR......I feel freeking miserable. I read some more of "Farewell My Lovely" I hate it. It just seems to be all jumbled together. I'll give it some more time. I did almost all of my math, my brain has just shut down. I still need to read for my Afro-American History class, I'll just have to do it tomorrow. I have a test Friday. This just could not get any better could it? My back is killing me, I don't have time to breath, and I'm pretty sure ***** hates my guts. I know I know it's just the stress. Relax, breath in and out. Debbie is already talking me through that. I had a bad night last night, I didn't sleep, today was no better. I'm just stressed out. I don't know if I just need to scream, or cry or what. Pittsburgh's starting to look so far away again. Tomorrow is Wednesday, the week is half over and it feels like it's just starting. I'm starting to feel that draging feeling agian.

~Down~

Father's Son

Today was pretty uneventful. I got up around 9:30 and played with my computer. I got dressed and went to the library did some school stuff till about noon and then I went to get coffee with a friend. That was fun! :) At about one I left to go to class. I almost fell asleep in class I was so tired, and the warm coffee hadn't helped any. So I came right home after class and got some lunch, chicky noodle soup! Picked my sister up and then I took a nap, for about an hour. I feel so much better. :) One phone call will turn this day from an uneventful one to an amazing one! He couldn't call last night, he had lots to do, so we talked for a couple of minutes on AIM and then he went to the library, but he told me he'd call today! :) Makes me whole day! I can't wait to see him again this weekend! I'm so completely pumped! TOMORROW IS WEDNESDAY! YEAH THIS FREEKIN WEEK IS ALMOST OVER!

~Content~

Cemetery

Like I said before, I think it's time for a stop at the cemetery. I need to get somethings off my chest. I need to just talk and know what I say is going to be heard and that I will at some point get an answer. So I went to the apartment and picked up some more of my stuff. And then I went to the cemetery. I wasn't there long. Twenty minutes maybe. My shot glass was still standing and that made me happy. It's not broken and it's all in one piece. :) That makes me really happy! But anyway, I just let it all out. I talked and Daddy listened, just like he always did. I felt like I had to explain to him why things didn't work out between me and Ken. I had to appologize that I let him down, but I felt like I had to appokogize because the other end of the deal wasn't held up. I told him all about *****. I told him everything about him, and how he treats me like a princess and that he makes me so happy, I can't stop floating.

Daddy, I know you are proud of me. I know, I've faultered a little. I know you wanted me to be happy, and to make the most out of life. "To grab it by the horns and make it do what I tell it to." I know I don't come and see you as much as I should, and I miss you so much! I would love to see you give me the thumbs up one more time. But I know that's me being greedy. You are happier now and you arn't suffering anymore. So I will survive with that knowledge.
"Every now and then soft as breath across my skin
I feel you come back again and it's like you haven't been gone a moment from my side."
Don't forget to check in, every now and then. I love you!

~Unsure~

Second Slowest Week

Riddle me this:

Why is it when you want it to be Friday, because you have amazing plans this weekend, it's Monday? Seriously am I the only person who feels like when ever I have great plans that the week drags on forever? I hate this. I really do I swear it's like punishment for something that I've yet to figure out.

I think my mom might be going to Pittsburgh too. AMAZING! I don't want to have to drive! I will if I have to though, it's for a good cause! :)

This song makes more and more sense to me every time I hear it.

Sometimes it's hard to don't wanna look over your shoulder
'Cause you don't want to remember where you've been
There'll come a time you die,
If you could only hold her
'Cause I know that's where I am

So listen with all your heart
Hold it inside forever
You may find all your dreams have already come true
Look inside and find the part that's leading you
'Cause that's the beat of a heart

Sometimes you'll drown it out with all your rage and thunder
Sometimes you'll drown it out with all your tears
There'll come a time when you hear it and you'll wonder
"Where in the world have I been?"

So listen with all your heart
Hold it inside forever
You may find all your dreams have already come true
Look inside and find the part that's leading you,
'Cause that's the beat of a heart

No one can tell you how to get there
It's a road you take all by yourself
(All by yourself)
All by yourself
So listen with all your heart
Hold it inside forever
You may find all your dreams have already come true
Look inside and find the part that's leading you

'Cause that's the beat of
Oh it's the sweetest sound,
'Cause that's the beat of a heart

~SO HAPPY~

Scared

I think it's about time for a visit to the cemetery. I need to talk, about stuff that people would probably laugh at me for, or would tell me to shut up. I know I keep going on about *****. I have a lot of things on my mind. I don't want this to turn into what my last relationship did. I don't want to be fooled into thinking that he's someone he's not. He has yet to give me any reason to believe that he is not who he says he is. He's been a perfect gentlemen. Opening doors, and asking how I am. His eyes! OMG! I'll leave it at this WOW! I think it's so adorable that he's 6' 4'' and he's shy. And he asks if he can call, or if he can call me back later, even though we have already talked for half an hour. I love those qualities! Can anyone say KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR? See I knew you could do it! The first time he hugged me it was like a golf clap, I swear he's afraid to break me. And you know what, I think that's adorable to! I think it's so cute how he towers over me. I feel like I'm floating, and I can't get my feet back on the ground. I haven't felt like this in a LONG time. I don't want to let go of this feeling. He told me he's really excited for me to come back. Wow, am I a sap or what. The simple things in life. I guess I'm just a simple back road country girl, who want's a knight to sweep her off her feet.......except I think he already has.

~Floating~

The Day

My mom wanted me to go to Erie today, so I went. My back hurt really bad, but I sucked it up and made it through. I have a back brace on to support myself, the pressure makes it feel so much better!

I ran into a friend, whom I haven't seen in a few months, at the mall. They looked at me and where like wow you look so happy. :) Makes me feel good that people can tell there is an outside difference on the inside!

~Better~

Strain

When I got up this morning my back hurt a little, but nothing to serious. You know I was tired and I didn't sleep well. So I dismissed it as my muscles were tired and just needed to "wake-up." Well let me just say that by 4 I seriously thought I was dying. I had to sit up right or lay completley flat in order to get the pain to stop, I had taken some tylenol, but that didn't help at all. My chest is full of flem, my back hurts and my chest hurts! OH GOD NO NOT BRONCHITUS again. My mom called from work earlier and I told her what was going on. She asked me where it hurt the most, I said my lower back, she said take a hot shower and just let the water run down your back, so I do this and I feel 100% better. I called her and she reminded me of when I had gone to camp to council and pulled all the muscles in my back and told me that I probably just strained them, cuze I have been slouching a lot and carrying a lot of books and not sleeping well. My mom is a genious! Well I decided that I needed to clean my room so now my back is killing me again, but it's ok. The only way to strenghtin my back is to make it work. I was alright last year because I was doing so much lifting that it was ok. But now I don't have anyone to lift with me, I WON'T do it myself, I haven't been doing it nearly as regularly. Oh well, shit happens and I'm going to be just fine!

~Content~

Regular Chicken Nuggets

You can guess what I'm having for lunch! :)

Anyway...yesterday didn't go nearly as bad as I thought it would. In fact I didn't have to babysit so I got to go home early and get a jump start on some homework.

I'm so tried latley. I haven't been eating normally, or sleeping. I've seriously lost about 10 pounds in the last week, NO I'M NOT STARVING MYSELF! , I just don't feel like eating and if I do eat I feel like I'm going to puke. I don't know what's going on.....my back is bothering me, you'd think I was pregnant, but that is completley impossible. :) I just need to eat and sleep normally and I'll be fine.

~BAH and such~

Today

Today is going to be hell. I'm in the library, till my one, listening to Jazz, that's not hell! :) Then I have to go to an hour and fifteen minuet class that goes on forever! I like to listen to Jazz not you talk about it to death. Followed by more time that I don't know what I'm going to do.....and then I'm going to pick up my little. Then I'm going to take her home and go babysit the hand bell choir kids. Then I get to go home around 8:30. Oh but that's not all. I have to finish a book by tomorrow, and have all the quizes sent. It's my own fault I haven't finished yet. I have to read 1-5 in the Rose text for my Afro-American history class. And my math homework. So I figure at this point I might get to bed by 1 or 2. I could read the Rose Text, I have it in my car! Well that will make things slightly easier! I NEED TO GET GAS! I should go home after my one and get my book and read somemore.

~Worn~

3 minutes

You know what I've been preaching, if you tell me your going to call do it. He called today, like he said he would, and appologized because he had a lot to do and just wanted to talk to me because he hadn't in a couple of days! Wow! AMAZING! I don't need a half an hour conversation just call and say hi! I will be completly content with that!

~Happy~

Dinosaur Chicken Nuggets

Oh what happened to the 60 degree days? Why is it when I have to be inside, a house, a building, or a car it's so beautiful outside and when I have time to be out it's crap? There are so many things I wish I could be doing. I would love to be able to get back outside and hard pavement run! Or go to Drake Well with some friends and walk the trail or bike! I WOULD LOVE TO GO SWIMMING! Well, the way my ears have been feeling the last week would not allow that. I have to be uber (Umlouts on the u, :) ) careful with my ears. But no it's snowing. And then it will melt and then it's going to snow next Wednesday! I think it's a conspiracy. Debbie and I have decided that the government is screwed up and things need to change. We are hoping that when we get on the in's with the government......I'm not sure what exactly she wants to do.....but I want to be a politician.....I'll never get elected I don't play hard ball, shoot your opponite in the back and talk shit on them so you get elected, bull shit.

Anyway, I have to finish my paper that is due tomorrow by noon. I'm working on it. I also need to finish reading the Maltese Falcon. I don't have the drive to read something where the names have become one huge jumble and people just start showing up for no reason. BAHHHHHH....and I've been having some huge computer problems. It won't let me sign in or send e-mails from time to time. So when I get some time, I'm going to go down to the computer lab tomorrow.

Oh I bought my dad a Pittsburgh Dad shot glass. I know he didn't drink, but you know I thought he would like it. I set it up on his headstone. I'm hoping that nothing happens to it. I put some stones in it to hold it up....it was pretty heavy to begin with so I'm hoping it will be ok.

Well that's about the extent of my life right now..... :)

~Clear~

Don't look back

if it's love that you're running from, there's no hiding place.

(you can't run it, you can't hide it, you can't run it)

love has problems i know but there problems, we'll just have to face.

oh yeah, yeah.

if you just put your hand in mine,

we're gonna leave all our troubles behind.

we're gonna walk and don't look back. (don't look back)

and don't look back. oh yeah, yeah.

and don't look back, baby. (don't look back)

(the places behind you let them re-remind you.)

if your first lover broke your heart,

there's something that can be done.

(you don't run it, you don't hide it, you don't run it)

don't end your faith in love because of what he's done.

so if you just put your hand in mine,

we're gonna leave all our troubles behind.

keep on walking and don't look back.

forget about the past now.

don't look back, baby.

keep on walking and don't look back.

hmmm

(the places behind you let them re-remind you.)

[instrumental]

love can be a beautiful thing.

though your first love let you down.

oh yeah, yeah'cause i know we can make love bloom, baby.

the second time around.

oh yeah, yeah

so if you just put your hand in mine,

we're gonna leave all our troubles behind.

keep on pushing and don't look back.

now, till i say, we won't look back, girl.

keep on walking and won't look back.

forget about the past now, baby.

and don't look back.

baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, don't look back.

~You get the idea~

Twin

I was talking to my twin last night, and if you know me you know that's Debbie. (I swear the two of us were seperated at birth and given to different families. Only she's a year younger then me.) I was telling her about my weekend, because I had told her before what was going on. Ok I know that everyone is still standing in the gray area because of my break-up, but you know I told myself at the new year that I wasn't going to think about it anymore. And you know what when I was out, I didn't think about him once. And I'm ready to move on, and if this road is going somewhere I want to know where it is going.....and maybe I can be on it too. Anyway.....back to Debbie, she is the one person that has totally backed me up and said do what you gotta do and I'll help if I can. :) I LOVE YOU TWIN! Thank you for being my best friend! I still need to thank Mr. Reynolds!

~Reeling~

THE BEST WEEKEND OF MY LIFE!

I went to Pittsburgh this weekend. I arrived on Friday at my friends house.....anyway I'll cut the bs. Saturday we went into the city and I met up with *******. We went out to dinner, like he opened the door and payed and everything. Like an actual date. When we met my friends he hugged me and told me to call him later *that night.* So I called and he asked me out agian! I was so pumped. We were suppose to go to the movies but things happened and it didn't work out so I went to his dorm and watched a football game! OH YEAH STEELERS WON!!!! Anyway....we watched the Pitt, Bear's game....Pitt won. Then I had to go. It totally sucked that I had to leave. I was having an awsome time. It was amazing to go on a real date and have a guy who pays and opens the doors. I messaged him when I got home and said that I made it home safe and we talked for awhile and he told me that he likes me a lot! I'm so pumped! I'm going to make a day trip down sometime to pick some stuff up, so hopefully because I'll be driving I can hang out for a while. SO PUMPED!

~OMG~

Flying better

Today is going so much better. Well kind of.....my mom gave me some money to make up for the 40 that I lost or was stolen. It makes me feel a little bit better. Not only that I went to bed at a decent time, and my 11 was cancelled! So I get more time to chill and just have a good time! Not only that I think I might try and catch a nap so I'm totally ready for tonight.

~On the upside~

Just isn't flying

So I went into my bathroom today to get my cash out of my pants that I got for Pittsburgh. 40 dollars is missing. I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean it wouldn't be a big deal if it wasn't 40 dollars. Why can't anything go right for me?

~ ~

In Shock

GET THIS I KNOW *******! I'm like still in Awe! We used to hang out and watch movies when I was like a junior in high school. I'm so totally excited! I can't sleep I'm so excited!

~Wired~

2 years old

I've recently found out that instead of being 19, I'm 2. And not only that but I'm not smart enough to be alone. So now I'm going to be followed Saturday and then Sunday I get to be a big girl. I feel so bad because I'm putting this guy in an awful situation. He has to deal with all of this if he wants to spend time with me. And he was like you and maybe you won't want to meet on Sunday.....wait why wouldn't I want to meet him agian on Sunday? I want to get to know him when I'm not being watched. I want to get to know him.......you know the real him that isn't just putting on an act because he's trying to make my friend like him. You know what I'm saying? Sure I'm sure you all do......

~Pissed~

Home

Hey kids, well I'm living at home full time now. I feel a little more comfortable knowing that I belong in one place.

I don't really feel one hundred percent today. I'm really tired and for the most part I haven't eatten nearly as normally as I should. 3 cookies, 1/2 a bag of chips and a foot long sub. Wow that looks like so much but that's all I've had and let me tell you what that was way to much. Sleep is calling my name.

I got my laptop back today. YEAH so I now have every thing back, my music and my documents and I can do whatever I need to and not worry about having to transfer files!!! YEAH!!!!

~Sleepy~

Mumbles

I'm so tired, I have not been sleeping latley. Not that I don't want to or that I don't go to bed until late. It's that I just lay there and my mind goes a hundred miles an hour. No idea.

My mind was reeling last night. I talked to ******* on the computer, we talked about a lot of stuff. I feel really comfortable. The other night I guess I was just worked up over an unsurity. I think I fixed it. I think all will be alright.

~Sick~

Going home

I decided this weekend to move back home. School is demanding the internet and not just at a certian time. All the time. I also feel so thrown back and forth, it's no ones fault, I just want to be in one place with all of my things and not feel like I have to go here to get this and there for that. I've had a good experience and I really had a good time, but it's time to be settled and just feel calm for a while.

I didn't get to sleep till well after 2:30. I'm not sure where things are going with *********. I'm slightly confused by him, though all this confusion could simply be because of the fact that I really don't know him that well. I don't know. I don't want to be set up to be crushed agian. I don't want to set myself up for that either. I'm not sure where to go and what exactly to do with myself at this point. I just need to remember to breath in and then out.

~Tired~

Drops of Jupiter

Drops of Jupiter

That she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's time to grow, hey, hey
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way

Just a thought

~Comtemplative~

Done

I'm so sick and tired of people riding my back. I'm really sick of it. My mom flipped out because I left the tape on the table. It's tape....geez. I was working on my environmental sciences paper. I'm going to read chapter's 4-7 tonight so I can stay on the ball. I think that I like the idea of doing what Christmas was like for slaves for my Afro-American History class, my bib. I'm really trying hard this semester. :) I feel better knowing that I'm going to Pittsburgh this weekend. I have to take a cash advance on my credit card. But it's ok. I should get this job and be able to pay it off. I'm going to be totally up-front if they call me this week and tell them that I can't work this weekend because I have things going on. And that I can start next weekend (21-22). Sorry I need this break to get a hold on things and then I'm ready to give up my weekends. That's how I feel. If they want me that bad I think they will respect that.

~Calmed~

Pittsburgh

So for anyone who know's me.....I've been at school for the last couple of days I'M GOING FREEKEN NUTS! So my mom said that I could go to Pittsburgh and meet up with some friends, this weekend. Like the 14-16. I CAN NOT WAIT! I NEED A BREAK AND I JUST GOT OFF BREAK!

~Time for a break~

Computer problems

I get home today. (I'm on my sister's computer.....) There was a message on the answering machine I'm thinking YES COMPUTER IS DONE! WRONG! So now I have no idea what I'm going to do. No idea at all. I'm hoping that it is done tuesday. I really am.

Anyway I have so much homework to do. I have to send in a thing that was due today but thank god that Courseweb was down. I forgot we had to e-mail it. So now I'm just trying to make sure I get that turned in, not only that we have a paper due on Monday in the same class. I can do this. I just have to do it one step at a time. *Breath*

I might be going to Pittsburgh this weekend. My sister will pay me for gas and I will write my mom and IOU or I will take a cash advance on my credit card. I don't have school monday. So I don't know we'll see how that goes.

~Stressed~

Library

I'm at the library my computer is still out of commission.

Thought I would just check up on everything.....

Classes have started and I'm really stressed. It's the second day and already I don't know how I'm going to make it through this semester alive. I have to add my math class, but my advisor is not here today so I will have to do it tomorrow. Oh well. I think if I stay determined I can get this all done, it maybe some late nights and all nighters, but I can do this! I CAN DO THIS!

~Phyc'ed but worried~

Computer

Ok kids it seems that the lazer in my computer has taken the plummet. So I'm sending it out for fixing. It should only take a few days. I'm hoping that's all that's wrong and that I'll have it back in my hands in a few days!

Keep it real, and have a good *break*

I'm going back to school tomorrow, I'm hoping that I won't need my computer for the first few classes. I'm really tired and sick, so hope that I sleep well tonight and keep your fingers crossed for me.

~Tired~

Restless

I don't know what's going on with me. I've been so restless for the past couple of days and I can't seem to work my way out of it or to just throw myself out of it. I'm so afraid I'm going to push to hard and drive ***** away. Then again I'm afraid I'm not pushing hard enough. I want to know where this is going to go. AHHHHHHHHHHHH........

I can't find a calm in the storm either. I'm so hyped up for some reason. I'm not sure why, I can usually clear my mind and work it through. I'm not sure what is going on with me. I feel like I need to cry, but I have no need for it. I feel like I need to scream, but I don't want to. I feel like I need to eat 100 pounds of chocolate, but I don't feel like it. My mind is going a million miles an hour but my body doesn't feel like going one.

~BAH~

An Amazing Year

I reflected this last year over the course of my day. It's so hard to look back on the entire year. Things that happened:

Senior Year- Great Memories
Graduating
Starting college
Breaking up with my long time boyfriend
Meeting someone new
*Getting a job*
All the holidays that go along with the year

Some good, some not so good. This is the first day of the rest of my life. I know, how cliche, but this is how I see it. I'm single, I can have a good time, and I want to have a good time. I'm not going to dwell long on the past and seeing as it all happened last year it's over and I'm moving on to something that's not so past. I'm seeing my future and I can't wait to get there.

I talked to ******** on the phone today, I know how second grade of me to be so excited, but I was expecting this....... I don't know how to explain it. Well, I would just like to say that I was way off. He's.......wow. As my sister said, he could get you pregnant by smiling at you. He asked me something and I was like wooooo, I was lost, I was so caught up in like the fact that he's beautiful and I'm talking to him. I know, second grade reaction. But hey this is a first, well, in a really long time.

~Giddy~

HAPPY NEW YEAR

So I have offically passed math class. Can you all believe it, I got all 15 credits! HURRAY! I'm so proud of myself. It's not the best grade but you know what, I'm sure if I work a little harder I can do a lot better. (Over all) I'm really happy with myself.

Well, it's a new year and I totally think that my friends and I brought it in with a bang! Allison, Votee, and Tylere where all here. In fact they all just left. I had so much fun! I'm getting really tired. We listened to music, danced, watched a movie and then the ball drop. It was totally awsome. Cuze that's what Brian Boytano do! :)

My resolutions for this year:
Get a job- Pr-aid
Lose some weight
Have some fun
Start over and be happy

All of these things are so do able. And I'm going to do them all!

~Nighty night~