College

So today I went to my college to reserve my seat in classes. Is it wrong that I don't want to go to college there? I want to go to Penn State. I want to be able to hang out with my friends and go to classes. I don't want to go to the University of Pittsburgh at Titusville. Is that so wrong? My mom is so hell bent on me going to college there. I wish that I could go where I wanted. I want to go where I want to. I know that sounds selfish. But what do you want me to say? Yes, mommy I'll do whatever you want? Sorry I don't give in that easily. I'm to strong willed and bull headed for that. Considering my major I can understand. (Pre-Law, minor in Political Sciences.) Yeah go me.

Hurting

Do you ever feel like you've done something so completly wrong, even though you know you've done nothing wrong. I don't understand, why I get this pain why I feel like I've hurt someone or done something wrong. Have you ever felt like 6 days, was a year. I hate feeling like, I'm a million miles away I wish I could just be there. I wish I could just go to college there. I wish a lot of things. I don't know why people can't see this my way. I WANT TO BE WITH YOU! Why can't people relize this. I don't want to lose you, I don't want to be 3 hours away. I just want to be with you.

When I think about being 3 hours away, it feels like a knife. And every time I have to leave, or you have to, I get stabbed.

Alone

Wow, there is so much drama going on in the world. I wish people would shut there holes. I hate how people often say that a relationship can end at anytime. Yes I know that it can end at anytime, but that's the decision of the people involved. I wish people could see how I work and my ticks. No one understands me. I love, I feel. No one understands how I feel about that. I want to get married, though sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who wants to. I cuts like a knife. I want people to mind there own freek'n business. I love my boyfriend, and yes I want to marry him, I want to have his children.

People

Have you ever wondered why people have to be so two face? I do all the time. I have a friend, who all the time makes plans to do things with me and another friend and then at the last minute changes her mind for her boyfriend. Whether that's true or not I don't know. I don't know if she just doesn't want me around any more. Or if her boyfriend is being a dick. I couldn't tell you. I'm getting really sick and tired of the crap though. I wish instead of making things up and all this she'd just tell the truth.

And on top of all that. She uses her pregnancy to her advantage. Like she can't play soccer in gym because she might get hit or something, but she does heavy lifting and runs around all the time. Does that make any sense to you? Not to me. I'm really annoyed.

How do you be a good friend when your friend acts like she doesn't care? Yeah that's what I thought too.

Today

I woke up this morning and felt like I had the flu. It was terriable. I don't know what's going on with me. My week of relaxation is coming to an end. But it's ok. I'm ready to get back to life agian. And feel good agian. Eat normal foods. I don't know. It's totally rediculus. I know I just slottered that word.

The Grad

Bah

I'm recovering well from surgery. I have really nasty breath. It's totally gross. I sleep a lot and don't really eat anything. I've been held up at home sense friday. My mom took me to Wal-Mart today so I could get out, though I had to ride in a wheelchair. YEAH!!!!

The Grad

Working

Well, I had my first real paying job today. It was a lot of fun. I helped out with a gymnastics class. I know nothing glamrous but it was still ton's of fun. My boyfriend had his first day to. Although he made over twice what I did. BAH how unfair. But it's ok, maybe now he'll buy me lots o' nice things. I have an English test tomorrow. BAH! I'm going to fail I never do well on my English tests for some reason. It's totally upsetting.

The Grad

I don't really know.

I saw a friend yesterday that I haven't seen in a while. It was a lot of fun. I haven't seen my boyfriend in over a week. I know that sounds so trival, but seening him 3 weekends in a row, and then not seeing him at all. Sucks. Plus with surgery on friday. I won't be able to see him for like the next month. I don't know why he loves me sometimes. People can be so crazy.

I don't know, not to much else has been going on.

The Grad

Ignored

Did you ever have that feeling that your just not good enough? That when your having an off day or week your just being ignored. Or that there is just no time for you? Wow. Your lucky. No one has time for me. I've been questioning my life and that matters to no one. Everyone is more concerned with themselves. And what they have to get done. Why is that? I'll never understand that. People take and take and never give back. I haven't gotten an e-mail in 2 or 3 days. He seems not to care about how I'm feeling. I don't think that I want to get married. Well I do. I don't know what I want. I want someone to pay attention to me. No one is. I just don't know why. I just I wish......

The Grad

Today, Tomorrow....

So today, yeah nothing to much happened. Class was interesting. What are you going to do? Nothing I guess. Although, youth still has me questioning things. Why get married? Yes, I understand because you love someone, but your going to die. I know it's suppost to make you happy. But your going to lose the other person eventually. Why would you want to subject yourself to that? I love my boyfriend, but that doesn't mean that we can be happy all the time. I am not a good girlfriend, I don't know what he wants to do with me. I don't know why he wants anything to do with me. I am a loud, outspoken, obnixious person with the list never ending. I can't do anything for him. He is so much smarter, more talented, perfect, than me. And here he is stuck with me. I'm not smart or pretty. In fact I'm fat and unattractive. I don't know what to believe anymore. He says I'm beautiful, but then agian he's been lying about other things. How much money he has. What he buys when he buys them. I don't know what's up and what down anymore. I wish I knew what was going on, but he says I can't. I don't know that I want to know what it is. I love him and I know he's trying to suprise me, but I don't know what he would suprise me with and when. I don't even think whatever it is that he bought is for me. At least that's what he said. That it may not be for me. I guess I don't care whether he bought me anything. I'm not important enough, for anything. I'm not worth anything.

The Grad

Today

BAH

So I know this is my second blog today, but if you don't like it you can suck my butt. Something seems so far off latley. I don't know 100% what or who. But someone for sure. BAH!!! I'M BORED!!!!

Whatever

So nothing to much has been going on as of late. I don't know what to tell you people. :) Ummmm as my surgery draws nearer I get a little more relaxed about the whole thing. I know I'm so backwards. Something is going on also with my boyfriend he has decidedly become an ass. Which is bothering me. I don't know what is going on but it's pissing me off. I'm sorry about my english. It's slightly annoying. I'll get over it and tomrrow it'll all be ok. I don't know what else to say. Do da le do....

More later
Grad