Partay

The party is over and kids are gone. Not as many people showed up as expected, but when does that ever happen? We have lots of pizza and chips and pop left over. Allison is going to come back with Aie and we are going to play games and stuff. I had a lot of fun and I think everyone who came had a lot of fun too!

I'm watching Princess diaries on t.v. I love this movie! I love the second one too!

~Having an awsome day~

Good Enough

I realized something today, I am better. I am an awsome person who would drop anything to do anything for anyone. I am more confident, in myself and in my work. I've grown a lot, and I like who I am and have become from all of this.

TOMORROW IS THE PARTY! I'M SO EXCITED!

~Happy with me~

When I really should be sleeping.....

So much has been going on in my life lately. I hung out with a friend in Erie today, I then hung out with some girls I went to high school with. We talked about a lot of things. Had hot coco and French fries over boy talk......of course! :)

I also saw my really close friend today. In a much better mood! It was an unplanned visit but yet again another emergency had arisen and I was accually already on my way to Erie to go shopping with a friend. So it was no biggy. We all went to Wal mart and then went back to their place and had some pop and then my friend and I were on our way to go shopping.

I keep missing ******** online. I'm afraid he's going to hate me. I was suppose to talk to him the other night until emergencies arose, and then he messaged me today while I was in the shower and didn't realize it until I got home. I was really hoping he'd be on tonight, but to no avail. Maybe I can catch him tomorrow. *Crosses fingers*

Talking with my friend who lives in Erie has made me realize so many things about myself. They were born and raised in Texas. Southern Bells. Then there is me......the Iron Rose. I'm not afraid to hold anything back. I can hold my tongue if necessary, but I'm not afraid to be honest. I don't mind doing the dirty work. My dad always said "don't let others do for you, what you can do for yourself." Is that wrong? I don't think I need a man to do things for me, I don't think I need a man. I would love to be loved and be in-love with someone. But I don't think I need it. I'm highly opinionated. I'm not saying that's what they said. Here is an example, we got a car battery at wal-mart, I picked it up out of the trunk of my car.....not a big deal to me, I do it all the time, they however did not think I should be carrying a car battery. Not because I was a women, but because it's not the way things are done. Men carry the heavy, labor intensive things and do the hard work and women make dinner and clean and take things easy. To me this is the 21st century women can do anything. Join the military, have a high end career, travel, lift heavy car batteries, change tires and oil, get dirty. I'm not saying that this person said women can't do any of those things. I don't know exactly what I am trying to say. Should I not pick up the car battery? Should I hold my tongue and be slightly less opinionated? Or not at all? Should I leave the politics and government running to men? Should I abandon everything I thought that I stood for, because I am a women?

~Contemplative~

Finalization

Debbie
Kari
Allison
Aie-Allison's forgien exchange student
Jess
Heidi
Emily (both)
Myself

And Eric is going to swing by sometime on the 31st.

So kids if you were invited and are not on the final list you better get there. LET ME KNOW!

Pukey

I went to my appartment last night to replace the plates and silverware that I just got for christmas. I went downstairs and found someone, who I concider a great friend, in a tough situation. They were really down and upset, so my roommate and I volunteered to go and work things out, which ment going to Erie. When we got there it was a little foggy, but not to bad. When we went to leave it was awful, so we stayed over night. In the middle of the night I got a migrain, so I spent the night throwing up, and I had an awful headach. It's really ruff. I feel really bad I blew someone off that I didn't want to. I hope he will forgive me.

~Pukey~

Merry Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the house

Not a creature was stiring-not even a mouse

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there

The children were nestled all snug in the beds while visions of sugar plums danced in thier heads

Mama in kerchife and I in my cap and just setting down for our long winter nap

When out on the lawn we heard such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter

Away to the window I flew like a flash I flung open the shutters and threw up the sash

The moon on the brest of the new fallen snow

Gave the luster of mid-day to the objects below

And what to my wondering eyes should appear

But a minutre sleigh and eight tiny reindeer

With a little old driver so lively and quick

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!

"As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

~Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night~

Nappie

I just woke up from my three hour nappie! I feel so much better! I'm going to kick back a ginergale and some grahm-crackers with cholcolate.

~Refreshed~

6 a.m.

Yesterday went fairly like a normal day for me. Get up screw around on the computer, go pick up my brother. When my sister came home she brought a friend with her, and she intived me to go back to her apartment. Needless to say, we had a rocken time! I was pretty pumped! :) Your questioning the title? Yea I went to sleep at 6 a.m. and got up at 11 a.m. I'm really tired. I wanted to go to bed earlier, but I just couldn't I was having to much fun. BAH I think I need some serious nappage!

~Burned out~

Wow.....

Today was really uneventful. I think I'm coming down with whatever my brother and sister had. I feel like I'm going to puke and I've been really tired all day....even though I slept in till 11 or so.

I went out for coffee with a friend tonight. He totally rocks! We don't have a lot in common, and I'm so politically driven I know a lot of people can't stand politics. Politics can be loaded. On top of it all, I've never cared about political correctness. I'm protected by the first ammendment. If the KKK, and the Neo-Nazi's can march and have their to do I can say what I choose. I'm no racist, I care about all people. I don't discriminate, and yet I'm told that I shouldn't say Merry Christmas, because I might offend someone. Did anyone think that by not saying you might offend me? Oh it's a loaded question. Don't say Happy Holidays so you can make money. That's just greed.

I'm listening to the Beetles right now. It's kind of been a bad day. The events of yesterday hung heavy in my head and my dreams. Then when I got up I took a shower and decided that I wanted to curl my hair, I wanted to feel pretty today. I burned my left temple, my mom doesn't think it's to bad, I however think it's really painful. And sense it's on my body I guess I get to make the final decision about it. :) Someone sent me a message, it was only a few words but it turned my whole day around and made me smile. :) I ran even to clear my mind. I love to run, it's just me, and the pavement. Nothing can get to me, nothing can get under my skin. Who would think that something that makes you smell bad can be so refreshing?.......me.....I guess that doesn't say a lot though.

I really want to go to Pittsburgh and see my friend I miss her terribly! I should call her tomorrow! In fact I think I will. I hope that I can go after the holidays.

~Content~

Where to go?

I don't know what to do with myself. It's days like this that make me wonder why I have to be alive. I haven't eaten, I didn't sleep well, it was a bad day. So many things............so many things I didn't want to have to face, but I did. I did my best. I think I did, at least. And that's all that counts. The question is: To be, or not to be?

The surgery went well. And all should be fine. I'm really happy that it's all over and hopefully it's the end of all of this. I feel bad for the kids, they have spent more time at "me mums" and Pap pap's then at home. But I guess things happen, and sometimes they are to far beyond your own controll.

I went shopping with my "twin" today. I had a good time. We got to talk about a lot of things. She is so right about so many things. I don't know what I would do without her. You know who you are.

~A wreck~

So yea....

I got a call from one of my "twins" today....and I was really excited. Well, it turned out she only wanted another friends phone number, but we are going shopping tomorrow. It should be a lot of fun! At least I hope it will be......

I talked to ******* last night. While I have an awsome time talking to him, I'm not sure how he feels. You know what I mean? I don't want to be over bearing or anything like that. He's a really awsome sweet guy......but gotta take things one day at a time. I don't want to have my heart stomped on agian. Am I ready for this keeps flashing in my head, then agian I don't want to stay away either. It's so hard because I would love to go out sometime and just hang out. Watch a movie or something, and see where things are from there. But that's really kind of hard at this point. I don't know.......I'm probably just reading too far into things or something. I usually do. :( I don't know. Sometimes I really can't stand myself.

~Frustrated~

Babies

My friend called me up tonight and asked me to babysit her son, so of course I said yes! I love kids. I love to be with them. I love to be around them. :) I don't know there is just something about them that makes me want my own. But with 7 years of college ahead of me it all doesn't seem conducive. You know? Law school senior/grad, we'll talk. Real life has set in. It's good, but it sucks so badly sometimes!

I went and got my hair trimmed today, and layered around my face. I love it so much. She curled it for me, and blew it dry. It looks so amazing! I totally love it! I look so hot! Well that's whatever one else is saying.....*looks around* Alright so I think I look good once in awhile. :) Go me. :)


So I'm kind of fat. Leave me alone. :) ~swizel sticks~

~Excited~

The Real World

I went to the Erie mall today with my mom. I ran into my sister and a bunch of our friends up there. It was a good time. My one friend has an older brother and we go on "dates." It's a lot of fun. He's really smart and intelligent and we have a lot of stuff in common. He's just a really cool person to hang out with.

I hate being in large groups of people in a small place. It really got bad when we went into the mall. I have panic attacks in large groups when I can't get away. Yea it wasn't a good time like I thought it was going to be.

I'm so excited about becoming a nurses aide. I really hope I get the job! I would get to wear scrubs and have my own stethoscope. Not only that but I would get to work with people. While most of it is going to be bitch work, you have to start some where right? My job would entail:

Feeding people
Cleaning up-bodily functions of any type
Walking people to the restroom
Taking vitals
Sitting with over dose patients

That would be my job. Can you imagine? Me working at a hospital? With people, getting to talk to people. I would love it! No I take that back I'm going to love it! I just need to get hired. :) PLEASE CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR ME!?!?!?! I love you all.

~Ponders~

Starting Over

Nothing much has been going on in my life. Well not really. Bridget had her baby. It's a boy, Samuel Wayne. He's so adorable. Unfortunatly my roommate and I were unable to make it to Pittsburgh for the birth. We were watching the girls. As stressful as it was, and as tired as we are we loved every minute of it! We are going to go out tomorrow and help them with the kids and make dinner. We just want to make life easy for them. I so love the kids!

It's Christmas. I'm single. I feel alone and outcast. I'm not living at home so no one is really screaming at me, but no one is really paying attention either. I loved having someone to hold me, brush my hair, rub my hand. I don't have that, and I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. My mom and I hang out alot.

I did some Christmas shopping today. I have no money so I tried to do the best I could. I hope you like them! I turned in my application today, at UPMC. I'm hoping to be hired as a nurses aide. *Crosses fingers*

~Hopeful~

Sorry guys

I lent my laptop to a friend whose computer broke and her research paper is due friday. I will get it back like tomorrow or something.

My mom and I are going to go see a movie with some friends. It's going to be a real good time. Oh and about that Nurses aid stuff: to work at upmc I don't need to take the class. AWSOME! So I'm going to apply and they will train me on the job, if I get hired of course.

I love you all! :)

I took my last final today. THANK GOD I NEVER WANT TO SEE THAT WOMAN AGIAN!

~YEAH~

So far

I have been hearing back from people and that makes me totally excited.

Here are the people who I've been told or have told me they are coming:
*The list*
Me
Kari
Debbie
Allison
Deanna
Heidi
Jess.


GOOD TIMES! If you arn't on this list and have been invited drop me a line!

I've been outside helping put up Christmas decorations. How much fun! Not only that but I rode the train today for 3 hours. The parents of the kids wouldn't controll them. I was getting really pissed.

I hope that I get to talk to **** tonight.

~Sleepy~

Another amazing day

We put up our Christmas tree today. It's awsome. Have you ever seen those movies where the family listens to Christmas music and the family is like the "typical" family, yea that's what it totally felt like. Then my sister proceeded to yell profanities so it wouldn't feel to much like a family Christmas. Yea that's my sister.

Nothing to much has been going on. I met a guy. He's really nice. :)

~Pumped~

Tired

I just finished my 20% project, I helped my mom paint and saw lots of wood, and now I'm here. I'm so sleepy. I'm going to take a hot shower and climb into bed.

One of my super close friends said something to me the other night that really made me think: There is only one person who can make you cry, and he won't. That really hit me. I think it really helps that I have a friend who is going through the same thing at the same time. I really feel like I have someone who I can talk to and who understands exactly how I feel.

~Relaxed~

Oh sick

I don't feel good at all. I slept for like 11 hours last night, and I still don't feel like I've slept at all. OH SUCK! I'm hungry, but I feel like if I eat I'll puke, I have a slight temperature. I'm cold to touch you, but my face is warm. I don't want to keep my head up. I just want to lay down. I'm so glad I have 2 days left. I'm hoping they will be short. I have Theory and my English final tomorrow and then history, math and then a lit test on Friday. What could they possibly teach on the last day? NOTHING I'm hoping. Though this is college and you never know. Oh and my ears are bothering me too. When I was walking to my car after class I swear the snow was like blowing directly into my ears. It hurts so much! And now my throat hurts. I think I might be dying.

~Puky~

Floor and beyond

I helped my mom put in a floor today. I can't tell you how many times I hit my thumb or knocked my hand off of something. If I thought my hands hurt before, yea.....well you get the idea.

Nothing far to exciting has happened.

~Tired~

Last week

This is the last week of classes. Wow time has flown by. I can't believe this semester is over already.

When you think of Christmas what do you think of? Santa? Presents? Shopping? Family? What's for dinner? Everyone gets so caught up in the season that does anyone think of the people who don't have any of that? I read something from a friend, she said she read a sign somewhere that said "Dear Santa, don't forget the lonely people." People get so caught up in their everday life that we rarley have time to think about people who don't have. To many times people get angry because they don't get what they want or they arn't happy with what they have. I think people need to be happy that they have anything at all.

~Questions~

The Bashing

Alright so between all of like 4 people there's a whole lot of name calling going on. I don't know what to think. I need to hear both sides before I make up my mind. I don't know what to think or do. Eh.....I guess what happens, happens.

Ce La Vie

~Tired~

So sweepy

Oh kids, I think I might be getting sick agian. I don't want to do anything, my head is all conjusted, my eyes are all goopy, my nose is stuff, my back is starting to hurt, and all I want to do is sleep.

This is my last week of classes. And for that I am happy. I have finals the following, but I only have 2 so it's no biggy. Math, I'm dead.....I pretty much failed. I think even if I can pull it off, I would still want to take it agian, to make sure I really do have it. And history....not a biggy. AT ALL! I think I've gotten this college thing down. And I'm totally loving it! I guess my thing is that there are no groups for me to join here. There are no band activities for me to do. Which is really dissapointing. But Matt says that I might be able to do marching band with Edinboro next year! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT WOULD ROCK!?!?!?!?! I'm so pumped.

I'm thinking the sleep over is going to be the 30 and 31. Ladies so for all you out there who, are invited and read this make note. And bring 2 or 3 bucks for snacks.

*The list*
Allison
Ashleigh
Alexis
Me
Kari
Debbie
Deanna
Emily
Heidi
Jess
Rachel

If you want to come the party is open to boys but my mom says they can't stay over night, and she has to know you and ok it first....bah on mommies..... :) Drop me a message in here.

~BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS~

Gone

I had my mom put away the prom pictures. I told her that I don't want to look at them anymore. He doesn't want me back, I want him back. I keep telling myself that it's over and there is nothing I can do.

I ran a mile today I feel good.

Anyway....that's about the extent of my day.

~SWEEPY~

I can't feel anymore

I recently decided to do something about the fact that I don't like the way I look. I've been running. I'm really impressed with myself, I've been running a mile every other day. Today I went to the gym, youth, and back to the gym. I'm really proud of myself. I ran two and a half miles today. And on top of it all I got a 90 on my Greek lit test! Things are really starting to look up for me. I'm working out, my grades are improving and I'm feeling really awsome. My legs are numb, my arms hurt, my chest muscles hurt, my abs hurt. I FEEL GREAT! I never realized that pushing your body could feel so good. :)

~Exhausted and happy~

Ladybug Stew

3 years and 10 months. Today would have been 3 years and 10 months. I've tried to ignore the wound that is where my heart once was. I keep thinking I'm going to be fine, that I've moved on or come close to it. And I'm shut down. Not even close. I love him so much. As hard as I try to stop I can't. He doesn't want me back, he's over me why can't I be over him? I called him to get some help with my math, I almost burst into tears. Nothing that anyone said, just that I miss talking to him, I miss everything.

No one has called me back about my applications yet. I'm waiting and hoping. I think I might go out tomorrow after I work out and see if anyone is hiring.

~Bloodied and Broken~

Can't Buy Me

Can't buy me love, love
Can't buy me love

I'll buy you a diamond ring my friend if it makes you feel alright
I'll get you anything my friend if it makes you feel alright
'Cause I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you love me too
I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you
I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love

Can't buy me love, everybody tells me so
Can't buy me love, no no no, no
Say you don't need no diamond ring and I'll be satisfied
Tell me that you want the kind of thing that money just can't buy

I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love

Turkey times 2!

My family came from out of town for our "thanksgiving" it was awsome to see my cousins.

I have had enough of this shit. I now know why I moved out. I can't stand my mother. She pisses and moans, if you leave the dishes in the sink, she pisses and moans if you do this or that's out of place. I'm paying your cell bill, I'm paying your insurance. Well here's my answer to that. Here are the keys and there is the phone. She makes me sound like a bad person for coming home. So fine, I won't come home.

~Pissed~

MMMMM...Turkey

I had Thanksgiving with my roommate and her family today. I had a really good time. It feels good to know that I'm really cared about. I'm having Thanksgiving with my family tomorrow. My mom is coming right after work and I'm hoping the parade is cancelled. So I don't have to worry about rushing home to get to the parade. The weather is so bad out that I'm worried about traveling to and from but it'll all be fine.

I made it through my first holiday without him. And while it all feels like a dream, I'm ok.

~Sweepy~

Turkey Day!

Tomorrow is TURKEY DAY! I love Thanksgiving. MMMMM.....Turkey. My Thanksgiving isn't till Friday, we are all meeting at my Aunts house. I'm hoping it will be a good time!

I had a really bad day today. I've been feeling like things were getting better and I feel like I've taken a huge step backwards. I don't feel comfortable sitting in one place for to long. I don't want to go anywhere alone. My roommate and my bestfriends are right, I can't let anyone get to me, I can't let what people think about me get to me either. I love my friends for putting up with me and all my problems.

~Feeling better~

Not worth it

I'm so sick of childish people. I have an awful life, he said, she said. Get over all that crap. If your life is awful do something about it. Don't sit around and lie. Where has lying gotten anyone? Jail, or in debt? He said-she said does nothing more than piss people off. While I might have broken up with Ken first, do all of you out there now the whole story. I wanted him back. You know, I'll let you all think what you want. I don't care. I'm not letting it get to me anymore. I'm done.

~Throws the towel in~

Pittsburgh

I spent this past weekend in Pittsburgh. On Friday night we went cosmic bowling till around 2:30 in the morning. Then we went to Denny's. MMMMMM.....good! Saturday we spent the day touring University of Pittsburgh. It was really awsome! I can't wait to get to UP. I'm so excited. I met some awsome people. And I saw a lot of really hot guys. I think I'm over Ken. I think I'm going to be ok. I feel like I'm going to be alright. I can smile and say I had an awsome time Friday. I haven't had that much fun in a long time. I seriously felt like I was drunk, but I wasn't drunk. I haven't felt like that in a long time. :) I feel so good.

~Feeling better~

Oh suck

Nothing overly exciting has been happening. I have 2 classes Monday and then I'm home free for break!

I spent a whole lot of time thinking today, about a lot of topics. Friends, family, school. I try so hard and get no where. Some people say try harder. I'm saying I'm giving it the best that I possibly can be. What else am I suppose to do? I'm not killing myself for something. A lot of topics rolled through my head today. I feel so alone and lost. I don't know. I'm really tired. Night night.

~Contemplating~

Sleepy

I had a friend come over last night I hadn't seen her in a really long time so we stayed up and talked really late. We talked till about 3. And I had a nine. SO MUCH FUN! NOT! And then I spent the day with some friends. It was a good time.

I'm feel a little sick to. I think it's cuze I didn't eat regulary today.

~Puky~

Another Amazing QUIZ!

Have you ever...
( ) crashed a friend's car
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fight
( ) snuck out of parent's house
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(x) skipped school
( ) slept with a coworker
(x) seen someone die
(x) been on a small plane
( ) thrown up in a bar
(x) tasted sushi
(x) been snowboarding
( ) been moshing at a concert
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
( ) smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar
( ) smoked anything else
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work or school
( ) used a fake ID
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) pet a reindeer
(x) won a contest
( ) been suspended from school
( ) had detention
( ) gone skydiving
(x) been in a car accident
( ) had braces
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
( ) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) been to another country
(x) swam in the ocean
(X) felt like dying
(X) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons
( ) sung karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under mistletoe
(x) watched the sun set or rise with someone you care about
(x) made a bonfire
(x) been on a motorcycle
( ) crashed a party
(x) traveled for a week or more with a car full of people
(x) gone rollerblading
(x) had a wish come true
( ) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
(x) ate dog food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
( ) got your tongue stuck to a pole
(x) kissed a fish
(x) shot a gun
(x) been completely smashed
( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
( ) made out at a church
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
(x) didn’t take a shower for a week
(x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
(x) believed in ghosts
(x) owned more then 10 pairs of shoes at a time
( ) gone streaking
( ) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
( ) caught a fish then ate it
(x) sang in the shower
(x) glued your hand to something
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) love someone right now
( ) french-braided someones hair
( ) gone skinny dipping

~entertained~

Down and out

I don't know how I feel today. I'm so torn out. I don't know where I am or what I'm doing. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of everything. I'm so lost in myself. I have no idea what I'm feeling or how I'm feeling. I don't know what to do, I'm so lost in the world.

~Down~

Broken Circles

I just got done watching Sweet Home Alabama. Yes, for most of you out there. It is a chick flick. I don't know why I wanted to watch it. It's about this women who moves to New York City and becomes a big designer. She get's engaged but has to go back to Alabama to get her husband to sign the divorce papers. He refuses for awhile but then he signs, she sends the paper's in and on the day of her wedding, her lawyer comes back and tells her that she's still married to him....she never signed them. She doesn't she stays married to him. I think it's a great movie. Anyway....I guess it just really made me think. Is it all worth it? Is there any point at all? You date, get your heart broken and repeat. Until you marry someone who in 5 years time will, all of forgotten you exist, except that you make dinner and have given birth to his son's (or daughters.) Do I want to submit myself to that? Do I just want to be someone's dinner maker, and child bearer? I went and saw a friend today that just recently had her baby. She's a week old now. It makes me want my own children all the more, but do I really want them to grow up in a broken home? Or in the midst of the end of the earth? (I know, that's pushing it.) Then I think about Makalia, do I want to risk losing my children/child like my sister did? People keep leaving comments in here about how I stopped loving Ken and how awful I am. I have never stopped loving him. I really thought that we'd get married and have kids. Grow old together. And there is still something that in the back of my mind is hoping for that. I know I don't have that anymore. I keep thinking that it's like my promise ring that it got a little bent and tarnished but it's nothing that couldn't be fixed. It was no worse for the wear. But I know that it can't be fixed. I wake up everyday, and hope. But nothing changes. People keep saying you have to "test drive a few before you can buy the right one." I thought I had boughten the right one. I guess I just wasn't smart enough to see the error of my ways. You can all say whatever you want about me. You can all act like I'm the world's biggest bitch. But I will NEVER stop loving him. I might die old and alone, because of it, but I WILL NEVER stop loving him.

~Alone~

Talent show

My mom and I went to the talent show today. It was really nothing to impressive. The band was really good.

I was listening to The Temptations and I heard this song:

DON’T LOOK BACK
If it's love that you're running from, there's no hiding place.
(You can't run it, you can't hide it, you can't run it)
Love has problems I know but there problems, we'll just have to face.
Oh yeah, yeah.

If you just put your hand in mine,
We're gonna leave all our troubles behind.
We're gonna walk and don't look back.
(Don't look back)
And don't look back.
Oh yeah, yeah.And don't look back, baby.
(Don't look back)
(The past is behind you let nothing remind you.)

If your first lover broke your heart,
There's something that can be done.
(You don't run it, you don't hide it, you don't run it)
Don't end your faith in love because of what he's done.
So if you just put your hand in mine,
We're gonna leave all our troubles behind.
Keep on walking and don't look back.
Forget about the past now.
Don't look back, baby.
Keep on walking and don't look back.
Hmmm
(The places behind you let them re-remind you.)
[Instrumental]
Love can be a beautiful thing.
Though your first love let you down.
Oh yeah, yeah
'Cause I know we can make love bloom, baby.
The second time around.
Oh yeah, yeah

So if you just put your hand in mine,
We're gonna leave all our troubles behind.
Keep on pushing and don't look back.
Now, till I say, we won't look back, girl.
Keep on walking and won't look back.
Forget about the past now, baby.
And don't look back.

Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, don't look back.

~Healing~

Out

Alright people. If I have to get over this and move on let me. No one out there has to make any rude or ignorant comments. And frankly if you do I'll just keep deleting them. It's none of your business, and you can all say that I post it on the web, this is how I let things flow out of my mind. So stop posting your ignorant comments and leave me alone.

~Annoyed~

Bigger Man

I'm going to let it all go. I'm not going to talk about it anymore. There is no point.

I got my car back today, flawless. It makes me feel good to know that it's just the way I bought it. THE HOOD IS BLUE! NOT LIME GREEN! They repainted the whole car so the hood would match. It smells like paint inside but it's alright. That will fade with time.

I'm really hurt, if it were possible I think my heart would be bleeding. But I know that with time it will get better. I'm so afraid to get close to someone else though. I don't want to be hurt again. I gave my heart away and got it back in a casket.

~Pain~

My life

Nothing to overly exciting happened today.

I want all of you readers out there to understand something. You don't know my side of the story. I'm not willing to get into on here. But any man who 1 day after say that he needs a break, can call anyone fat, stupid, and ugly they don't deserve a second chance. I think that your all intitled to your opnions, but that doesn't mean that any of you know the true story. I love him, right now. I never believed you could stop loving someone till this all happened. Frankly I think you can read, but don't leave ignorant comments when you only know one side of the story.

~Whatever~

Wednesday

Once agian I talked to the mechanics, wednesday! Anyway.....more emotional rollacoaster. I really hate myself. He acts like it's all my fault. Sometimes I feel like it is. Sometimes I don't understand why I believed all the lies. I don't know that I'll ever be able to trust another man. Let alone one who says he loves me. It's so scary to think that you can just take some thing like I love you back. I feel so alone. I feel so abandoned. I was dumped and I didn't really get any answers. It was it's over. I was in love, I guess he wasn't. That's what I get for letting someone in, for letting someone get close to me. I'm just going to cry myself to sleep.

~Hurt~

Not really lost just more or less alone

I moved out of my house today. So I'm living in my appartment. Oh joy! It is just so odd. I don't really know what to do with myself. But anyway, just so you all know, call the cell if you need me. I'm just in town so.....it will be ok. I will adjust.

~Snack and bed~

Quiz

1. First name? Susan
2.Were you named after anyone? My Grandmothers Mother and Grandfather's Mother
3. Do you wish on stars? Yes
4 When did you last cry? Last Night
5. Do you like your handwriting? Love it!
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? turkey
7. What is your birth date? September 3rd
8. What year were you born? 86
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Probably
10 Do you have a journal? Yeah this one, and a couple of paper ones
11. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Yeah, I really do
12. What are your nicknames?Suz, Suzie, Head of UPT (don't ask)
13. Would you bungee jump? Maybe
14. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Sometimes
15. Do you think that you are strong? I could kick some serious ass!
16. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Cookies and Cream
17. Shoe Size? Depends on where I get the shoes
18. Red or pink? Red
19. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? Not really sure
20. Who do you miss most? Everyone who truly ever cared about me
21. Whats the most craziest thing you have done lately? Crazy.....
22. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? Yellow piggy pants no shoes
23. What are you listening to right now? Clean Sweep
24. Last thing you ate? Scrambled eggs
25. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Maroon, I love that color!
26. What is the weather like right now? Sunny, but slightly chilly
27. Last person you talked to on the phone? Sarah
28. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Personality
29. Last movie you watched? No idea.
30. Favorite Drink? Orange Juice
31. Favorite Sport? Marching Band
32. Hair Color? Deep Brown with Blonde highlights
33. Eye Color? Depends on what I'm wearing
34. Do you wear contacts? nope
35. Favorite Food? Stuffed Peppers
36. Last cartoon You Watched? Danny Phantom
37. Favorite Day of The Year? My Birthday
38. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? BOTH!
39. Summer or winter? Summer
40. Hugs OR Kisses? BOTH
41. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Anything tastey
42. Favorite Song? Hey Jude
43. Favorite time era? 50's and 60's
44. What books are you reading? College Books, NO FUN!
45. What is on Your Mouse Pad? Don't have one.
46. Favorite Sounds? Music, hearing my kitty, Shadow, purr
47. Rolling Stones or the Beatles? Love them both, but the Beetles
48. What's the furthest you've been from home? Hawaii

~Awsomeness~

I'M OUT!

HEY KIDS! I'm moving out of my house. I got an apartment. I'm living with a friend. It's right in town! I'm so excited I'm moving out Sunday. So far I'm taking my t.v. clothes and pictures. What else? They have couches and beds. I bought cereal and juice, water and some snacks. LAPTOP and CAR! So if you need me, call my cell phone it will be my primary. I will be home on weekends and such!

~EXCITED~

Futurama

Nothing to overly exciting happened today. I might be getting an apartment. I don't know what my mom is going to say. I hope so. It's right in town and they arn't going to make me pay rent. I'll cook and clean, and stuff like that to pay rent. I would even share it with some friends. I think it would be great fun!

My mom talked to the mechanic today, they said the car might not be done tomorrow, like they said. So either tomorrow, or early next week, I'm so frustrated I really want to have my car back. I would make my life so much easier.

I have 10 math problems due tomorrow. I have 1 done. I have been trying to figure them out, but that is to no avail. I think I'm going to to go the learning center tomorrow before my math class. Unless I have a friend out there who can do Math 31 chapter 3 section 3.5 I believe it is. TELL ME! I REALLY NEED THE HELP!

~Sleepy~

For you people

Here you go.

~Sad~

Kitty Kitty

Not to much has been going on my life latley. I have 3 kitties who want some kitty food. How silly are they? Class and food and learning and homework. I scheduled for my next semester classes I'm so excited about this.
I'm taking

Afro-American History
Detective Fiction
History of Jazz
Biology
Algebra 32

I'm really happy with this, well, except for the algebra. But this is the last math I need so. AMEN!

I've been talking to some friends and hanging out and doing homework.

~Boring~

MY CAR!

I called the mechainic today to see how things were going with my car. They said it would be done at the end of the week! THE END OF THE WEEK! AHHHHH! YEAH!!!!! I'M SO EXCITED! She's going to be pretty agian!

~EXCITED~

2nd time around

Ken called me today. I guess we get on eachother's nerves and stuff like that. So we are taking another break. I don't pretend to understand him. I guess if things are ment to be they will happen. Oh well.....I can't say that I'm suprised. I'm hurt a little. But life goes on.....

~Blank~

Halloween Parade

We marched Meadvilles Halloween parade. Wow was that fun. Hurry up and wait. Hurry up and wait. Go no where. Finally we did move. How silly. It was a really good time! But anyway.....I'm super tired. I have lot's of homework to do tomorrow. So I'm off to night night time. I got to talk to Ken tonight. It made me so happy! :) Was the perfect ending to my perfect day!

~Sleep sleep time~

Simply innocent

Don't be fooled by the title. I spent the better part of the day on the phone with the insurance people and mechanic. SO MUCH FUN! NOT! I think they forget I'm a college kid. Anyway, as I posted earlier I got my ticket and didn't know what to do. My mom said it's probably cheaper to just plead guilty and take the points. They will go away and I don't have time to go down before the majistrate. I am a college kid let's remember. So anyway kids, while I get to sleep in tomorrow till 8:30. I must be off to sleep sleep time! ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!

~ZZZZZZZ~

Guilty Or Not Guilty

I got my ticket in the mail today. I have to send it back and tell them if I want to plead guilty or not guilty. I don't really want to go through all the hassle of setting this up. I just want to forget it happened. Pay the stupid 110.50 and get on with my life. But how long do points stick around on your license? I don't know I think that will be the determing factor. Yea a 25 dollar ticket, plus 35 dollars plus 50 for I have no idea what.

~Jacked~

Because of you

I'm limited:
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you -You can do all I couldn't do,

So now it's up to you
For both of us
Now it's up to you:

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let themAnd we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew youI have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetimeSo let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:
Because I knew you:
I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgivenessFor the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled Like a ship blown
From orbit as it
Off it's mooring
Passes a sun, like
By a wind off theA stream that meets Sea, like a seed
A boulder, half-way
Dropped by a
Through the wood
Bird in the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better?
And because I knew you:

Because I knew you:
Because I knew you:
I have been changed for good.

There are a lot of things that have made me who I am today. I just want to thank everyone. :) I love you all.

~Fulfilled~

AND THE WINNER IS......

THEY ARE GOING TO FIX IT! THEY ARE GOING TO FIX MY CAR! YEAH!!!!! This is what I wanted and hoped for! I'm not sure anyone know's just how extremely happy I am! It's 8:30 I was going to sleep for an hour before my class. Guess that's not happening. Well. I guess I can nap bewteen, history and math. THEY WILL FIX MY BABY! It's going to look like this agian!

~EXCITED~

Fixable?

I talked to the mechanic today. When I talked to him, he said my car was worth 6775. I paid 12 grand. But anyway. He said he had come up to 4700 hundred in damage. I have a 500 difference. He has to call the insurance to make sure he can fix it. He said he can't promise anything, but it should be ok. I told him that I really just want it fixed. I don't want the money. I want the car. He said he would do his best. I'm so excited! SO SO SO Excited! Everyone just keep your finger's crossed for me. I really truly want this car back!

~Excited~

Run Around

So the insurance people call. "Who do you want us to send the car to?" We work all that out. I call the place, oh I don't think we can pick it up. It's to far away. So, now they have to get special permission to go and get it. So I now have to wait to find out. BAH. And on top of it all no one has looked at the car, so it might not have been worth bringing it all the way home. I just want it back so badly. The guy I talked to said it sounds like it should be repairable. Thank God. I just want it back, I love my car. I know I make it sounds so important. But to me it is. It was my first real step into adulthood. I don't want to let it go just yet.

~Hoping and Praying~

Irony

I just realized I brought my car home on a rainy day, and I ruined it on a rainy day. WOW.....the best and worst days of my life.

~Crying~

Just waiting

Before After

I called the insurance people today. They told me they would get back to me within 24 hours. I should know tomorrow. I just want to know that my baby is going to be alright.

I took my math retest today. I think it went well. I didn't have my calculator. I still think it went ok. Or at least I hope it did.

Nothing much is going on right now. I'm just kind of between myself. I feel like I'm floating between worlds. Like I have one foot here and my other foot is somewhere else. I want my car back so badly. I just want to sit on the seat's and know that everything is going to be alright. My back is tight and my knee's hurt a little today, but it's all good. I'd rather hurt then have someone be dead or seriously injured.

~Tight, and Bruised~

Sick to my stomach

I don't know what to do. I have this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that it's not going to be fixable. I keep replaying the whole situation in my head. I wouldn't have done anything different and that's for sure. Something deep in the back of my mind said it would be best to hit him. So I did. I'm amazed that my mom didn't freak out. Like I totally saw her ripping me a new one. She saids it happens and while I probably could have been more careful, I did what I had to do. Wow. I can't stop looking at these pictures. My mom get's mad and says I shouldn't beat myself up over it. It happened. Now I know, I won't do it again. ***Knocks on wood*** It's so hard to see 12 grand just sitting in a pile. It's my baby. So many memories of marching band and youth group. I don't want people to think I'm unsafe. I think I'm a pretty safe driver. It was a bad situation. I'm so hurt. Not physically, just emotionally. I guess it was the perfect ending to the worst week of my life. ***And for all you out there who don't know me.....THAT'S SCARSASM!***

~Drained~

My first

For all of my loyal readers! I was in my first car accident today. I reended a guy and he has a scratch and a dent. The front of my is totally distroyed. So yeah......and on top of all of it. I got a ticket. Because I was following to closly. The breaks locked and I slid.....what was I suppost to do?

~I want my car~

Still Can't Eat so Well

I'm in Penn State. In dorm room 236. For all of you who that means nothing to it's Ken's room. We have been talking. And we are back together. :) There was a ruff spot last night, when he said that somethings happened with a girl that I don't know how I feel about. But it doesn't count. I wasn't mad as much as I was really hurt. I remeber Sunday I just wanted to get plastered, I didn't, but I wanted to. Anyway. Last night was the best sleep that I've gotten in a week! I feel alright. I just need to get past the eating and digesting it in 15 minutes. I don't think that's really good for me. Oh well.

I got him some Jolt, thinking that he has had it and really likes it ( he likes caffinanated stuff). So today he was like this is the first time I've had this stuff. It's really good! What a strange kid! Anyway....yea I'm really boring.

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey’s head?
This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneakin’ out
This is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must’ve done it half a dozen times
I wonder if it’s too late
Should I go back and try to graduate
Life’s better now than it was back then
If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for It's hard to say It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin’ out
They say somebody went and burned it down
We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we’d know
We said someday we’d find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel
Kim’s the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She’s had a couple of kids since thenI haven’t seen her since God knows when
I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can’t erase
You can’t replace it
I miss it now
I can’t believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for It's hard to say It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

~Moved~

Broken

So it's over. It's really over. He said he thought he would have to date other people to realize I was gone. A real relationship. I'm really hurt. But it's his life to. I need time, I think he needs time. I think we both need to just relax and let things happen. If they are ment to be, they will happen. If not they won't. :'(

The winter here’s cold, and bitter
It’s chilled us to the bone
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks
To long too far from home
I feel just like I’m sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go

If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love

So it’s better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we said and do
Hurts us all the more
Its just that we stay, too long
In the same old sickly skin
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go

If all of the strength
And all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love

~Sad~

Lost

I'm single. How crazy is that? 3 years. For all of you who are about to go into convulsion's, I'm going to see him Friday and we will talk then. I'm lost, I don't know who I am without my friends. I don't know what I want. I can't eat, I had a really hard time going to sleep last night. A friend even took my keys, because they were afraid I wasn't rational enough to make proper decisions. I think they might have been right no matter how annoyed I was. Emily, I'm sorry I couldn't get your bookbag back earlier. I haven't told anyone where I was so I'm not going to post it. I was with responisible people. Who were looking out for my best intrests.

~Looking for me~

Yesterday

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it look as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me oh, yesterday came suddenly
Why she had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away oh, I believe in yesterday
Why she had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away oh,
I believe in yesterday, Mm

Jumping off the worlds highest cliff sounds good right about now. I feel like the worst person in the world. I had to tell a friend something, that was 1. Not my place and 2. None of my business. I just could bear to see him get hurt anymore.

~Lower than dirt~

Football Games

So I found out that one of the girls in marching band is a total and complete bitch and thinks I have absoulty no control in anything. HERE'S SOME NEWS!!!! I'M RANKING YOU! SHUT UP!

In better news we have a "competition" tomorrow and hopefully we will kick some serious ass. I want to hear what the judges have to say about us. It's probably not so good.

Bjalksdjfaijdfsandflashdfioasjdfasmdflhohaw8thy8hys4308t5u y3q0tu3,m0t89ujeroigfjsd
This is how I feel right now. So random. I'm really hungry and my mind is going a million miles an hour.

~BAH~

Inside Out

"Because Of You"

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of youI never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's emptyBecause of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

I'm so lost inside myself. I don't know what end is up and what part is down. I'm so confused.

~Lost in my own body~

Inside Myself

my last breathhold on to me love
you know i can't stay long
all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid

can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?
holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonigh

ti'll miss the wintera world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
i know you hear me

i can taste it in your tearsholding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's theresay goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black

~Contemplating~

Today

I had a sort of off day today. No idea why. I don't know what is going on. :( I miss my friends.

For the last couple days I have been having problems with my air matress. See I have a futon for a bed and I have an air matress, because I have a really sensitive back. I can't sleep on hard surfaces like a floor for long periods of time. The matress has been deflating during the night, because it had a three inch hole in it. So my mom is going to get me a new one and that's why I'm still awake. I really tired I just want my mom to get home so I can go to bed. :o

~Waiting for sleep~

To All The Little People

Today was an all round good day. I was in Penn State. With my boyfriend and sister and a couple of friends. We went shopping, my mom wanted a foam # 1 finger and I bought my little brother a Penn State Jersey with a number 1 on it and his name across the back.

I feel so appetetic latley. I don't know why. I feel so crappy, not like sick crappy. I don't know what's going on with me. Oh well. I'm so crazy. Silly me.

I've been talking with my best friend and a couple of other friends and such and what not. :) It's been good, I miss talking to friends and just having a good time.

I have to write a paper, do a project for history, read, take a math and lit test. And my ears are so itchy! I don't know why.

~Totally and Completely In Love~

Damn Them All

I have to write a comparison and constasting paper on two of anything. People, cats, even people and goats. I think I'm going to do Hitler and Stalin. I know they are both masterminds, but I want to find out which one was worse.

I might be going to pick up one of my friends on friday to hang out. Seeing as I have nothing better to do.

I'm suppost to take my little brother to see my boyfriend, but the way things are going, I don't know if I will be taking him. He's so busy latley that he doesn't have time for stuff like that. My brother will be really dissapointed though. I'll just have to wait and see what he's doing in two weeks, but he's talking like he's going to be way to busy, so I don't know.

I'm super tired so I'm going to bed.

~Blank~

Oh So Sweepy!

I haven't been sleeping very good latley. I'm not sure why. So I'm so sweepy.

I've been working on homework and stuff. Going to band pratice. I've been trying to budget time to make everything. It's working I've been getting work done and stuff.

Baby, if you read this I could use some help with my math. It's real simple stuff. I just need some help with like infinate and stuff I'm confusing when it is or isn't. So maybe if you have time tomorrow or whatever. I really miss you. I want to see you so badly.

~Sweep sweep time~

Homework

I don't know what's going on with me. I haven't felt right latley. I don't know why. It seems to be so odd that I'm not sure what's going on with me. I usually know that I'm just guilty cuze I didn't do my homework, or because I didn't do what my mom told me too. I don't know what to do. I feel so out of place. I don't know, I think it might be the drugs that I'm on for my bronchitus.

~Missing In Action~

Murder in the First Degree

One of my friends called me tonight and told me her mother commited sucide. I went right over. She isn't dealing very well with everything. She put a high powered rifle to her chest and pulled the trigger. I don't know what to do for her.

I was talking to someone else who almost commited sucide. I'm really close with this person. I don't know what I would do if I had never met them. I love this person so much. I don't think they know how much I care about them. But I do care about you so much! (If you read this. I want you to know that.)

~Unsure~

2nd Time Around

I went to the doctor yesterday. I don't have phyarengitis and an ear infection. I have bronchitius. So I'm now on a z pack, inhailer, and cough syrup. I'm really sleepy. I have to make up my math homework. Better yet I need to catch up. When I get sick, I have no drive to do anything. And read for my history class. ***Yawns*** Just thinking about it makes me tired! :)

~Feeling a little better~

Sweet Glorious Day

I went to my Theory class today and skipped English. The only reason I went to theory is because I had a test. I wasn't even suppost to be in Theory.

I went and picked up my Prescriptions today. Ammoxicilin and some pain med. OH MY! They took care of the pain all right! I feel so much better. The only thing is, is that they make me sleepy! I'm so tired right now.

Ken had to work tonight. I miss him. I didn't get a chance to even tell him that I love him today. That kind of makes me mad, and sad, and cranky. I know it's not his fault, he's really busy on days he has to work. I just miss him.

~Missing My Main Man~

Farengitis

Like I have been saying for the last couple of days that I have been feeling really sick. So I went to the emergency room today and discovered that I had farengitis. And an Ear infection. So I have to go and get my antibiotics tomorrow, and go to class.

I told you all that I read to the tape recorder and listened to it. I figured it would help. Well it didn't. Not at all. I thought that I had done a really good job on this one. Nope a big fat 40%. I don't know what else to do. I guess I need to talk to the teacher tomorrow, and see what I can do. I'm really trying. I'm going to kick myself. RRRRRRRRRR.........

~Sick and Tired~

A Realization

I don't pay enough attention to my work. I'm going to though. I'm going to record myself reading my history book. Each week. I'm going to spend more time on my math. I'm going to get serious. I think I've been playing a game. I need to get serious. I need to live in a dorm room. That would be serious.

I took some excedrin and I feel a little better. My chest is still full of crap and garbage. You know how that goes.

~SWEEPY TIME~

Feeling Off

I woke up this morning and seriously thought I was dying. My chest hurts, it's so full of snot and garbage. I can't cool off. And I'm wearing anything that would make me so hot. Every time I cough my spinal cord hurts and my chest throbs. I'm coughing up all this crap.

I finished reading to the recorder and I took a nap this afternoon for 3 hours and listened to it. I'm hoping it will help. I can listen to it when ever I need to now, so it should help. I have to read for Lit and my paper is due Thursday.

I've been in an off mood all day. And I don't know why. I just wish I could feel better.

Honey I love you! I hope your day is going well. I know you had to go to all kinds of meetings today. I hope that they all went well. :)

~Pain~

Chest Pain and Sleep

I'm so tired and I don't know why. I slept almost all of today. I'm feeling really crappy.

I was reading to a tape recorder today, hopefully listening to this will help me remember what happened and such.

I guess that's about all for now.

~Tired and Chest Pain~

Exploding Ears

I know you are all going what the hell does that mean? So let me tell you. You all remember when I told you that I had ustation tube disfunction? Well I took a nap today and my left ear drum burst because of the presure that had built up in it. The doctor told me it should heal normally. And I should be fine. So now it's time to wait for the right one to pop! :) I hope soon. I want to feel better.

My little told me that if she doesn't get a good grade on her homework asignment for tomorrow her mom is going to pull her out of the program. I guess I will have to see what happens.

Class' are going better. I have a math test tomorrow. We will see how that goes. Though I must say that I think I will be alright. I studied and everything. I'm hoping my boyfriend will have time to explain it tomorrow. Other than 2 things I feel ready. I really do!

I went out with a friend I graduated with lastnight and her car broke down!

~Tired and In Pain~

Country Fair

You all remember back in the day when I told you I applied for a bunch of jobs? I got my second call back today. I'm really worried about not having time for school if I get a job along with taking my little out. Its really important that I take her out everyweek for 3-4 hours. I don't know what to do. BAH!

On the other hand my boyfriend has his first day today! I haven't talked to him for all of 5 minutes today. So I don't know how it went. I can't wait to find out though! :) I'm so excited for him. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU BABE!

I was talking to my friend Kari today about backpacking in Europe and what would be fun to do on a honeymoon. (If we get married and don't join a convent first! Yeah don't worry that won't happen!) We were talking about going to Europe and how much fun it would be to backpack through Europe. What it would be like to go to French. (That's France) and Spanish and German and Italian. And go to a nude beach. ( :) ) If not backpacking then staying in hotels and to stay like a week in France and Spain and Germany. It would be so much fun! I don't know Kari and I are pretty funny! :)

~Sleepy~

History Class

I've discovered that history is turning out to be my worst nightmare. I'm literally failing a class. Me the 3.81 student that I am. This isn't happening to me. I don't understand. I'm trying really hard. I just don't know what to do anymore. Ken says if I fail then I can just take it agian next semester. He wouldn't accept that for himself I don't know why he thinks it's ok for me.....he confuses me sometimes! :) I love you anyway babe!

If I don't get my head on straight, he might have to support his college failure of a girlfriend/fiance/wife. I may never be a lawyer. Let's just face it. :'(

~Failure~

My Life, My Choice

I have a little history homework left and I can't seem to remember if the ten math problems are due tomorrow or if they are due wednesday. I guess I'll do them tomorrow before class or tomorrow night.

I was eating brunch today and we starting talking about marriage and kids. My one friend thinks her friends who are married and have kids are wrong. Some people can manage to balance school and marriage. I don't agree but I don't disagree either. I think people should whatever is right for them. If someone wants to get married and not go to college, or get married and go to school then what does it matter to anyone else? I have a lot of personal goals to achieve, before and after I get married. I think what really struck my nerve is that she said wait till you graduate and then when you go to grad school Ken can support you. It's not the waiting till I graduate undergrad it's that people think that Ken is going to support me. I don't want that. I want to always be able to rely on myself. Why should I expect him to support me? Why should he have to?

Anyone have an opnion on this?

~Sleepy~

Snot

Well, I officially have so much snot in my head that I can feel it move. I know how gross! Nothing to much has happened this weekend. I just hung out and ate cake!

I guess that's about it. :)

~Snotty~

Breathing, Who Needs it Anyway?

As of late, I can't breath and am so conjusted that I feel like my head is going to explode. But I am in Penn State this weekend! So I guess it'll be ok.

I spent about an hour bawling my eyes out. I don't know how to explain it but I know Matt will understand. Two words......My Dad.

My life has been so boring as of late. Nothing is really going on. I don't hang out with friends anymore and I don't do anything either. I guess I've become withdrawn and anti social. Oh well, I guess if people want to get to know me they can talk to me first.

I'm so tired. I feel like my body is just going to give out. I'm not sure what to do. I think I'm just going to lay down and pray that I will fall asleep.

~Tired and Blank~

Topic

I need a topic for my persuasive essay. I want it to be something good. I'm not sure what to do it on.

I think aside from my surgery, I think this is the worst I've ever felt. I had to take 6 tylenol and 2 midol to stop the pain. I've never felt so bad. I don't honestly think I ever have.

I'm going to take my boyfriend a computer monitor tomorrow.

I'm so discusted with myself. I'm so fat and gross.

~Gross~

So Sick

I have never been so sick. Well that may not be true. My ear's hurt. I can feel the tube in my right ear. It burns the whole way down, and it itches in the back of my throat. My head hurts. I'm congested. I'm in all round bad shape. And that's no joke.

~Sick~

Ruined it Agian

Once agian I've ruined my boyfriends life. I wanted to go and get a computer monitor for him. And he called his mom and asked if I could come get it and she yelled at him for 5 minuets. And it's all my fault. I can't do anything right for him. I wish I was a good girlfriend. I wish I could make him happy, and do everything I should. He was having a good day and I ruined it. I wish someone could just shoot me or something and then he wouldn't have to worry ab0ut me annoying him or making him mad at me.

~Hate myself~

The Plan

So I have decided that what I am doing for my history class just isn't working. But I also figured out that if I can get a couple of 100%'s then I will raise it quickly and drasticly. So this is the plan. I'm going to read the chapter early. And then reread it before I go to class and face the quiz. I'm hoping it will keep everything fresh in my mind. And help me to focus more. ***Crosses fingers***

Today would have been my daddy's birthday so I want to sing...I don't care what you all think...

Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday dear daddy.
Happy birthday to you.

Sadie is singing with me. Just for you. <3

I have two cats sitting on the floor looking at me. I think they might be hungry. So off to feed them....kitty....kitty....

~Unsure~

So Stupid

I got another bad grade in history. I cannot figure out why. I'm trying really hard. So I still have a bad grade in history. I need to be shot. I hate myself. What when I think I do good do I fail? Why am I such a falure? I don't know what I'm doing. I just need to die.

~Depressed and Stupid~

Drained

I feel so empty. So unwanted and unneeded. I don't know why. I just do. It's probably just pms. I'm really tired to. I think I need a change of clothes, and a quick snack and bed.

~Alone~

Head Over Heels

I got my schedule changed. I now have 2 classes Tuesday, Thursday and 3 Monday, Wenesday, Friday. I think the seperation will help me to calm myself and not to be so stressed out.

I "realized" (if you can call it that) that I'm totally head over heels. I knew that. My mind knew, my body knew. But I don't think my brain was quite in alinement. You know? I get this weird warm feeling in my body when I "realize" something. But I kind of like it. I love my boyfriend so much. He makes me so happy. And we can talk about everything. He's my bestfriend. :)

Enrique Iglesias -
Hero Lyrics Let me be your hero,

Would you dance,
if I asked you to dance?
Would you run,
and never look back?
Would you cry,
if you saw me crying?
And would you save my soul, tonight?
Would you tremble,
if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh?
Oh please tell me this.
Now would you die,
for the one you love?
Hold me in your arms, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Would you swear,
that you'll always be mine?
Or would you lie?
would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care...
You're here, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Oh, I just wanna to hold you.
I just wanna to hold you.
Oh yeah.
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
Well I don't care...
You're here, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.
I can be your hero.
I can kiss away the pain.

And I will stand by you, forever.
You can take my breath away.
You can take my breath away.
I can be your hero.

~In love~

Bye Bye Stress

So I have decided that I cannot handle the load of History 600 and Political Processes 200 back to back. I'm going to drop my PS class tomorrow. And get a gym or computer or science class of some kind. I just really want to be sure I'm not by 4 everyday. Like usual. It makes life easy. I can get out and start homework, get to band practice and such and take Josie around. It makes my life so much less stressful. I hope that this will help to make things less stressful.

Thank you baby. For making me feel better. And telling me you think I need to cut back on this. And take something else maybe. I love you for being supportive, and helping me and listening to my crazy antic's! :) I love you so much.

~Happier~

Death by College

I do ALL the homework. NO LIES involved here. I go to class take a stupid quiz and never do well. What most people reading this are thinking is it happens to the best of us sometimes. I know that when we get into things that I accually know I'll do better, or at least I hope. I don't fail at school. School was the one thing I was always good at. I graduated like 35 of 191 seniors with a 3.81 and national honor society. Now I'm getting back quiz scores that suck. I don't know what to do. I'm trying so hard. I think I know what I'm doing. I think I understand and then **poof** I don't. I just don't know what to do. It's history, it's political sciences and I'm good at both one of those is my major. And I'm doing majorly bad in them. Well I have as of right now a 20% in history and a 90% in ps. But the quizes today shouldn't be all to helpful. The lowest 2 scores in each class get dropped. But it won't help if they are all bad. I try so hard. I really am. I really feel like I'm giving this my best effort. And I'm getting nothing out of it.

~Sad and depressed~

Songs

Eleanor Rigby- Beetles

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people

Eleanor rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?

All the lonely peopleWhere do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Father mckenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near.
Look at him working.
darning his socks in the night when there’s nobody there
What does he care?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Eleanor rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody cameFather mckenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Hey Jude- Beetles

Hey jude, don’t make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.

Hey jude, don’t be afraid.
You were made to go out and get her.
The minute you let her under your skin,
Then you begin to make it better.
And anytime you feel the pain, hey jude, refrain,
Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders.
For well you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Hey jude, don’t let me down.
You have found her, now go and get her.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.
So let it out and let it in, hey jude, begin,
You’re waiting for someone to perform with.
And don’t you know that it’s just you, hey jude, you’ll do,
The movement you need is on your shoulder.

Hey jude, don’t make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her under your skin,
Then you’ll begin to make it
Better better better better better better,
oh.
Na na na na na ,na na na, hey jude...

I think these are two of my favorite songs.

"The winter here’s cold, and bitter
It’s chilled us to the bone
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks
To long too far from home
I feel just like
I’m sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place"

I guess I've kind of hit a low point. I told you all that my boyfriend and I got into a fight, but I guess I shouldn't want him to pay so much attention to me. I just like to talk to him, and feel like I'm close to him. I'm trying really hard to back off. In fact I barely talked to him today. I don't want to bother him. I just don't want him to forget I exsist. And I asked him to help me with my math, and I know he was annoyed that I wasn't understand one of the problems. I mean it took me forever to finally realize what I was suppost to do. I don't like being dumb at math. I hate being inferior to everyone else. I know it's not his fault he's a genius. Sometimes I just wish I was just as smart so I wouldn't have to look like an idiot in front of him. I'm afraid he's getting annoyed with me. I don't think he wants me to apply to Penn State anymore. Once upon a time he wanted me to live in his single and now he says that I shouldn't, because we'd drive eachother nuts. I'm not sure how I feel. He said he thinks that we might be to used to eachother. :'(

~Crying and afraid~

Paper

I got home from Penn State today. I got home around 5:30. I had a really great weekend. We played games and hung out. Any best of all my boyfriend and I cuddled A LOT! I really missed him. I had a really good birthday.

He's having a really hard time. I told you all how his dad told his mom. I understand that he's having a hard time trusting people. Someone did something, this person did this, and he doesn't trust himself. He's always had a hard time trusting people. I guess it just sucks that I have worked so hard to be the one he could confide in, to be someone he could talk to and now it's all been distroyed. I guess it's back to block one, and you know what I'm cool with that. :) We had a kind of "heart to heart."

Honey: I love you so much. I want you to know that no matter what happens, I will always stand behind you and love you. I know sometimes we get irratated and annoyed. I know sometimes I do things you don't like and sometimes you do things I don't like. I think we need to be more open with eachother, like we used to be. I think we have tryed to just make eachother happy instead of talking to eachother. I know we were kind of in a ruff spot. But I think that things are ok now....at least I hope they are. I love you so much. If you don't want me to come and visit or if you don't want me to apply. Please tell me, you seem so stand-offish about the topic. I love you. I hope your week is better than last. <3

In other news, my ears are still driving me nuts. Oh well, I think it's just going to make my ears explode and then everything will be ok. But then I guess I couldn't hear. Oh well, guess you can't have both! :)

~MORE LATER~

Yelling and Screaming

Nothing truly eventful has been going on. I'm hanging out with my boyfriend and friends. We have been playing games and such. We got into a huge fight the other night. But I think we are alright now. He is having a trust problems because of his father's distrust. I'm alright with that though. He will come around eventually. He has been having some bad days.

My one friend here is having trouble with her boyfriend. I guess he's not the worlds best guy. But I can't form any opnion until I meet him. I guess he's alright in person, but he's a "girl" on the internet. I don't know yet.

Oh I had a really good birthday. I like people. My one friend gave me a shirt that said I (HEART) my geek. I have to go home tomorrow. I'm not sure when I'll get to come back over. I will make it though.

I will leave you with his thought......

DICKS ARE FOR CHICKS!

~MORE LATER~

So I Went

So my boyfriend decided to get his head out of his ass. So I decided to come. It's my birthday tomorrow and I wanted to have some fun. I pay 11 dollars for 1/4 of a tank of gas! can anyone say BULLSHIT?!?!?! I can't believe I'm going to be 19 in like 45 minuets. How silly is that? Anyway.

I know I started to rant yesterday but I feel that way. No one has the right to complain until something worse happens. I feel like while my life may not have gone completley my way I am very lucky. I don't think that I have any right or means to complain about my life or situations. I but heads with people about stuff. But I don't complain that I'm in a bad place or that my life is so bloody terriable that I don't want to live anymore.

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this cold dark hotel room
And the end is less that you fear
You were pulled from the wreckage of your silent realrie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find
Some comfort here.......

~MORE LATER~

Do I Bother To Finish Packing?

I am suppost to be going to see my boyfriend and all my friends in Penn State this weekend. But as of late, it seems like I'm not wanted there. So now it's my decision as to whether I go or not. My plans of having a great birthday, have gone to hell in a hand basket. So do I stay home and help my mom with her comp homework, or do I go and see everyone anyway? I guess I could always stay in one of my other friends rooms. They seem to want to see me.

Angel

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckageOf your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here


It seems so weird to me to know that my neice has been gone for 6 months. That a child so small could hold so much love. And yet people of all walks of life hold grudges, yell get mad and say all kinds of mean things to eachother. It's sad that it took a 6 year old to teach me that life is more than just getting up and going to school and going to bed. If anyone had room to bitch and complain it was her. She weighed 31 pounds dressed braces and all. She had people try to come and take her away from her parents. She had to sleep with a feeding tube and live with a wheelchair. And do you think I ever once heard that child say why me? Why do I have to be like this? No I never did. She lived each day like she had no other. Let me explain something to you people. Kids who have "problems" see the beauty in everything. When I saw her, I saw NO chair. I saw her "legs". So you know what. Maybe we need to take a lesson from those who can't and those who don't know. Because they truly are the only people who give a damn about anyone else.

~MORE LATER~

Sunday? Monday?

I am going to visit my boyfriend this weekend. I was orginally going to stay until Sunday. But my one friend down there has asked me to take her to King of Prussia, which is where she lives, to pick up her car. It's a long story. So I guess that I'm going to stay till Monday. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT! I think I might just be paranoid but I think there might be a little party in the planning, going on down there in good old Penn State. :) Eh, I'll just be happy to get to see my boyfriend and all my friends down there. :) It should be a great weekend! I'm so excited. ***bounces off walls***

I don't have class tomorrow, we have convocation here is a hint, I'M NOT GOING! I have so much work to do. I need to finish my math, read for myth and then read for history. I can't wait to get away for the weekend. It's going to be so nice not to have to worry about any of this garbage! Though the gas went up agian. So it's now 2.99, while that sucks mega nuts. I'm still going this weekend. It's my birthday and nothing is going to ruin it for me! YEA! I'm so totally excited. It's going to be such a GOOD time! Hurray!!!!!

Well now I guess I should have listened when you said you'd had enough, a little trick I picked up from my father in one ear and out the other. Why's life gotta be so tough? Yea that's me through and through.

It's really sad. My mom called me from work today and asked me to stay up to help her with her computer class. Silly Mommy!

~MORE LATER~

At The Root

I got on line this afternoon to find out that my boyfriends father told his mom, who hates me by the way, that I visit him and that I'm coming to visit this weekend for my birthday. So now he's worried that his mom is going to cut off his tution. I don't know what to do. I feel so awful. If I had broken up with him, if I had never told him that I liked him, he wouldn't be in this situation. If I hadn't visited he wouldn't be in a bad situation. I don't want to be the reason he loses everything he ever wanted.

These Words Threw some chords togetherThe combination D-E-FIs who I am, is what I doNo one's gonna let it down for youTry to focus my attentionBut I feel so A-D-DI need some help, some inspiration(But it's not coming easily)Whoah oh...Trying to find the magicTrying to write a classicDon't you know, don't you know, don't you know?Waste-bin full of paperClever rhymes, see you laterThese words are my ownFrom my heart flownI love you, I love you, I love you, I love youThere's no other wayTo better sayI love you, I love you...Read some Byron, Shelly and KeatsResided in over a Hip-Hop beatI'm having trouble saying what I meanWith dead poets and drum machinesI know I had some studio time bookedBut I couldn't find a killer hookNow you're gonna raise the bar right upNothing I write is ever good enoughThese words are my ownFrom my heart flownI love you, I love you, I love you, I love youThere's no other wayTo better sayI love you, I love you...I'm getting off my stageThe curtains pull awayNo hyper bowl to hide behindMy naked soul exposesWhoah.. oh.. oh.. oh.. Whoah.. oh..Trying to find the magicTrying to write a classicWaste-bin full of paperClever rhymes, see you laterThese words are my ownFrom my heart flownI love you, I love you, I love you, I love youThere's no other wayTo better sayI love you...I love you, is that okay...?


School is going to kill me. I swear. I have so much work. I can do it I think. I just need to read and get everything in order. By next week I hope that everything will be ok. I hope that everything will be back to usual. You know what I mean? Eh anyway....I'm tired and I have class in the morning.

~MORE LATER~

Read, Read, Read.....

Today was my first day of college classes. I totally love not having to go to school 8 hours a day and controlling my lunch and time. I had 4 classes today. 1 Tomorrow. I need to finish my politcal science reading and myth. I spent a majority of today working on history reading. Suck. Anyway....

My birthday is coming up. I'm going to see my boyfriend on Friday. I'm sure your all sick of reading that but suck butt! I'm excited.

I've been keeping in touch with some friends. I've made a few new ones I think. I hope it's a good time.....

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Day One

I'm so scared. Tomorrow is my first day of classes and I don't know what I'm suppost to do. I don't know anyone in my classes. My mom thinks that's great. I however do not. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I'm nervous. I mean I felt like this on the first day of middle school and high school. At least then I knew people I was with.

Scared and Sleepy.

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Birthday List

For all of you who will be seeing me in 5 days. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT! :)

I still haven't heard anything from Pizza Hut. My mom told me I should call them, she thought maybe they didn't give Jodie my message. I called, she was busy and I just said tell her I called and in the back ground I heard her yell. Tell her I'll call her later tonight or tomorrow. It's so dumb.

I can't believe that classes start tomorrow! BAH! Oh well. I'll get over it. I just hope I have some friends in my classes. You know how it is.....well I hope.

I'm so tired.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! 3 years and 7 months!

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Pizza Hut

I told you guys a couple of days ago that I put in a bunch of applications. Well I got a call back today. From Pizza Hut. I'm hoping to be a waitress. Tips would be great. But I'm not going to just settle. I will work some weekends, but not everyone. This weekend and next I have had planned for a month and over a year. I guess I will talk to them when they call back tomorrow.

My birthday is drawing nearer. I'm really excited about that. I'm going to be 19 in 6 days! Though school is starting tomorrow. I'm so not ready for that. I'm going to see my boyfriend Friday after class. YEA ME! I'm really excited. And my family reunion is next weekend.

SLEEPY!

OH, AND HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY!

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KennyWood

Ok so we went to Kennywood it sucked. The bands were mean and I don't care. Suck butt people! MY FEET HURT SO BAD! Kari and I played a game today. How many numbers of the opposite sex can you get. IT ROCKED! Though we did lose by two. The game was the highlight of my day.

SARAH HAD HER BABY! IT'S A BOY! HIS NAME IS KALAIB MALIKI! YEA!!!!!

Oh well, so sleepy!

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Lost and Alone

My boyfriend went back to college today. I'm so miserable. I'm going to Kennywood in less than 6 hours and I don't want to sleep. I honestly don't want to go. I also canceled my membership with Curves today. Cost me 30 bucks but oh well. I'm also concerdering getting a tatoo. Oh and I'm not sure I'm going to be able to hold a job and such this first semester. I don't know I'm going to talk to my mom.

I'm so tired. Crying to much. I really want to transfer. I really REALLY do.

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