Broken Circles

I just got done watching Sweet Home Alabama. Yes, for most of you out there. It is a chick flick. I don't know why I wanted to watch it. It's about this women who moves to New York City and becomes a big designer. She get's engaged but has to go back to Alabama to get her husband to sign the divorce papers. He refuses for awhile but then he signs, she sends the paper's in and on the day of her wedding, her lawyer comes back and tells her that she's still married to him....she never signed them. She doesn't she stays married to him. I think it's a great movie. Anyway....I guess it just really made me think. Is it all worth it? Is there any point at all? You date, get your heart broken and repeat. Until you marry someone who in 5 years time will, all of forgotten you exist, except that you make dinner and have given birth to his son's (or daughters.) Do I want to submit myself to that? Do I just want to be someone's dinner maker, and child bearer? I went and saw a friend today that just recently had her baby. She's a week old now. It makes me want my own children all the more, but do I really want them to grow up in a broken home? Or in the midst of the end of the earth? (I know, that's pushing it.) Then I think about Makalia, do I want to risk losing my children/child like my sister did? People keep leaving comments in here about how I stopped loving Ken and how awful I am. I have never stopped loving him. I really thought that we'd get married and have kids. Grow old together. And there is still something that in the back of my mind is hoping for that. I know I don't have that anymore. I keep thinking that it's like my promise ring that it got a little bent and tarnished but it's nothing that couldn't be fixed. It was no worse for the wear. But I know that it can't be fixed. I wake up everyday, and hope. But nothing changes. People keep saying you have to "test drive a few before you can buy the right one." I thought I had boughten the right one. I guess I just wasn't smart enough to see the error of my ways. You can all say whatever you want about me. You can all act like I'm the world's biggest bitch. But I will NEVER stop loving him. I might die old and alone, because of it, but I WILL NEVER stop loving him.

~Alone~