I don't understand. I have been thinking about all three so much latley. Let's start I guess with the begining. I'm in a serious relationship. Which as you all, well you should all know, I have been in for 3.5 years. Alright with that established. My boyfriend and I have been talking about engagement. Talking not acting, breath, PLEASE! He says that we could get engaged this Christmas, probably not this year just keep reading, but that we are more likley to next Christmas, like 2006. I would love to be engaged. Now when I think about this, I feel excitement, but scared too. I have always been someone who want's to make sure that I make all the right decisions before I jump into something. This is one of those things that you have to feel is right, there is no paper to say this is what you should do. Now don't get me wrong I want to be, I love him, and everything feels right.
Alright on to marrage. I have always had a slight problem voicing how I feel about someone in public. Now I know that sounds like a problem. I can do it. But will he still want to be with me after a couple of years? Will he still love me after a couple of months? Will I do something that is going to drive him away? Will I do something to make him hate me? Do I want to risk losing everything I have. Do I want to risk losing everything that I have built up in the 3.5 years, just to lose him because I did something stupid?
Sex. This is the one that scares me the most. While not having 100% proof is a little scary, and the prospect of losing the one thing I care about most in the world sometimes drives me to insanity. This topic, I don't know how to describe how I feel about this. While just about all my friends have had sex and most of them say it's great, I have a hard time going along with them. Sometimes I think that even after I'm married I won't want to. The whole idea is just scary. I....while I'll be married to a man, what if I do something wrong? I don't know I guess some more thinking will help with all these questions.
~MORE LATER~
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