Broken

Alright, I give in. I'm so sick of trying to be strong all the time. I'm sick of pretending I'm happy. Let's face it, I graduated. Should I really be "participating" in band. It's not like I'm in band. It's not like I'm going to suit up and go on at half time. I'm just helping, set drill, getting to the nitty gritty. I don't know. I'm sick of pretending I'm happy about going to Pitt. Cuze honestly I'm not. I don't care if my mom thinks it's the worlds best law school. I'm not in law yet. It's just a title. Nothing more. My Ustation Disfunction is keeping me up. The name sounds complicated, the problem is painful. My body is telling me I'm tired, my ears are telling me your not sleeping. I feel like I'm failing my boyfriend. Even though he says I'm not. My birthday is in 2 weeks and he wants me to come visit him. I don't know if I should. My ideal birthday is cake and ice cream. That's it. I don't really want to much else. I just really like cake and ice cream. But I don't want to weigh him and bother him. And on top of all of that crap my bestfriend, who has scoliosis, I hope that's right, has to metal rods in her back has broken both rods not once, but twice. And now she has to have them removed. Like surgery again to have them taken out. Her surgery just so happens to be 3 days after my birthday. And it also falls on a Tuesday, and the same week as my family reunion. I don't think I'll be able to visit her in the hospital or till the following week. But she probably won't want people to bother her for a little while anyway. I'll figure something out. SO HAPPY FREEKEN BIRTHDAY TO ME!