I guess it has just been one of those life times. I went to pick my sister up at school today and we were talking to a group of people when I told Kari that I had become "self destructive" meaning that I keep hurting myself. Rug-burns and brusies I fell off of a medicine ball today. Joking and when I said that I had rug burn on my one knee my sister instantly turned and called me a slut and a whore. My first reaction is to just turn and walk away, so I do. Two HUGE fears in my life. 1. To be raped. 2. To be someone's fast fuck. I know you are all thinking geez, just cool off it was a jokebut it wasn't funny. Maybe if I wasn't so afraid to be used, I would. I'm not saying that I have sex, I'm not saying I ever have. I don't want to be used and then left. I got hurt once, by a man who I thought really loved me. (No sex involved) What would happen if I did have sex with someone? Am I going to get used and then when he got what he wanted he leaves? I'm one of those people that says "if you really care about someone, if they are someone who you think you could spend the rest of your life with, they understand you, you understand them, they care about you just as much as you do them, then it's ok." But it has to be pure. No, "Hey I bet you I can get her in bed in a month." That scares the hell out of me. I know I will know when the time is right. I know I will know when it's ok, and when it's the right guy. I just hope that I don't get "screwed" over, no pun intended. I don't want people to presive me that way. I'm not.......I just don't want people to see me as a whore.
~Scared~
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4 comments:
Hrmm, I bet I could get her in bed in, lets see...
5 minutes to get out the door because I'm not wearing shoes
20 minutes to get there, gotta stop somewhere because protection is important
2 minutes to take off my shoes because it is muddy
Lets just round it to half an hour. Those numbers are pretty good considering that no drinking has to be involved beforehand.
Ed only you would try to figure out how to get me in bed in a shorter time span....I must decline however, I'm sorry to crush your hopes.
Ah, I'm waiting to do anything with anyone anyway. There's a certain romantic point in waking up the after first time I get completely smashed and realize that I've done something.
You know what....I'll just let you believe that..... :) Best of luck with that.
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