Left behind

Do you ever feel like no matter what someone does or says it still won't make things any better? I feel so alone and so left out. All of my friends are getting engaged and planning their weddings, and have all these plans for this summer. Some are going on vacation, so basics, and others are just going to hang out at home. And then there is me. I know I sound so ungrateful, and whatever, but when you know something you know it.....and you normally don't let it go or wait around right? Like when your taking a math test, you don't do the one's you don't know first, you usually do the ones you do know how to so you can spend more time on the ones you don't know right? I thought so too. When you know something why do you want to wait? What if something else comes along and wants what you have? I don't know. I guess I've just had a lot on my mind as of the last couple of weeks. I don't want to put my life on hold forever. I don't want to wait for things to come to me. I've always grabbed things by the horns and did it the way I wanted to. You know what I mean? I don't want someone else to tell me how or what to do. I know what I want and I want it yesterday. I know that sounds really selfish, but think about this, I don't like to let things go that I want. That just sucks when that happens. Do you like to give away things that you like? I'm not going to stand on the street and give out hundreds of dollars. Who would? I want to be like everyone else. I want to live like everyone else. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I don't want to sit around and do nothing either. I don't really know what to say....I know that I sound really selfish right now....and I don't mean to. That is not my point at all. I know that someone out there is going to think that. But all I want is to be normal, whatever normal is......