OCD

I'm having some issues latley. No there is nothing wrong with me, but I haven't been this happy and in love in so long that I'm really just afraid to let go and let things be and just accept it for what it is. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to ruin things and that's usually what happens. I fuck up or ruin my relationship. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that guys want to have sex with me, they got what they want so then they can add me to the list of girls and make me another "notch on the bed post." I'm sick of being a "notch" I want to be something more. Dylan and I have been hurt in the past and I think we are both just afraid to hurt eachother. Neither one of us wants to hurt the other, which makes us both causious. I think that if he decides to go with me to my sisters that we should talk about all this stuff. I don't want to lose him, he's amazing, but I don't want him to feel like he has to put on a show or hold back from me. He's gotten better about talking to me about what's bothering him. I think we are good together, I love him. He's so amazing to me, he's so good to me. I think we complement eachother well and I think the fact that we have similar life experiences make things easier and hard for both of us. I think that we work well together. I just love him so much. ~In-love~