I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. I don't know where it's gotten me, but I don't feel like I've gotten anywhere. There is a battle waging itself inside of my mind. I don't know why. I'm not sure what I'm trying to work out. I found out that one of my really good friends is pregnant, school is kicking my ass, (well bio is at least), I feel like I'm a bad soldier, and a bad person. I've lost control of my whole life and I'm not sure how to get it back. I'm a confident, strong, stubborn, strong willed, beautiful women. I don't need a man to do things for me. I was raised to do them myself and the army has only given me more confidence in the fact that I am just as good as any man. Don't get me wrong, I want to be loved and cared about. I want to wake up next to someone every morning. I want someone who could survive with nothing more then me and a cardboard box. Maybe that's what this is all about. My impending deployment. It seems to me that people are more afraid of me then anything else. I met someone who I really like, and I'm so afraid to push him away, or scare him away. Though it might be to late for that.
~Wishing I knew what was going on with me~
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